Forget what is happening in Paris and Milan. The world’s fashion runway is in Hollywood each year at the Academy Awards, and we look forward to either applauding or ripping their outfits to shreds.
Sunday night’s parade offered ample opportunity to do both.
Many of Hollywood’s leading ladies and gentlemen played it safe and stylish, if providing little fodder for the fashion police. Jennifer Aniston, Hilary Swank, Felicity Huffman and Rachel Weisz all wore black dresses that while pretty, were a bit lackluster in comparison, say, to the vibrant blue Versace number worn by Salma Hayek.
Speaking of shreds, what happened to the front of Naomi Watts’ Givenchy dress? It looked like King Kong or another gorilla toyed too long with it. And what was the usually chic Charlize Theron thinking by allowing that explosion of gray satin on her shoulder? How could Jennifer Lopez have thought the vintage pea-green number flattered her rather than making her look sickly?
There’s a reason women usually carry purses and leave pockets to the guys – it doesn’t look elegant to have your hands stuck in your skirt, particularly on the red carpet, as Amy Adams, Maggie Gyllenhaal and Sandra Bullock did. (Note for next year: Judith Leiber and other designers happily will provide jeweled bags for any actress who wants them.)
As for the guys, no one was more suave than George Clooney, whose Giorgio Armani tuxedo and clean-shaven face had us swooning. But his example wasn’t followed by many of Hollywood’s leading men, who sported the sort of scruffy facial hair normally seen in a drivers-ed class. They also could take a lesson from Ludacris, well-groomed and impeccable in his velvet Armani tuxedo.
These aren’t official categories, of course, but here are some of the style awards we would like to present.
Best imitation of an Oscar statue: Jessica Alba, whose gold lace Versace halter gown epitomized elegance.
Best Mamie Eisenhower interpretation:
Reese Witherspoon, whose silver beaded dress was too frumpy for such a beautiful actress.
Achievement in hairstyling: The stylists for Felicity Huffman and Michelle Williams, who wore restrained but pretty
chignons. We also like the ponytails sported by Keira Knightley and Jada Pinkett Smith. Thumb’s down to the stylists for Charlize Theron and Jennifer Lopez. Put down the rat combs and hair spray, fellas!
Best performance by a European fashion house: Atelier Versace, which dressed Uma Thurman, Hilary Swank, Alba, Salma Hayek and Robert Altman.
Best use of accessories: The teardrop earrings worn by Amy Adams and Alba, and the jeweled pin Huffman wore in her hair.
Achievement in fabric engineering: Robert Behar, who designed Dolly Parton’s pale pink gown, which contained her ample bust line while making her waistline all but disappear.
“Gone With the Wind” set decoration award: Adams’ overblown brown silk gown with ball skirt and bustier by Carolina Herrera had enough fabric to make Scarlett O’Hara’s drapery dress look form-fitting.
Couple most deserving of a makeover: Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter. His scary hair and dark glasses and her tarty satin dress, overblown hairstyle and white pumps were mismatched and unflattering.
Staff writer Suzanne S. Brown can be reached at 303-820-1697 or sbrown@denverpost.com.
