Dear Amy: I am the youngest of five siblings in a Midwestern city.
I am 31. When each of my brothers and sisters got married, I was very happy and participated fully with my time, energy and money.
Because my parents taught me the value of hard work and gave me an excellent education, I have prospered and am doing very well in life, with a good job and managerial responsibilities.
Now, it is my turn to get “married” to someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, but my family has turned against me and their church has tossed me out because I am gay. My partner’s family is accepting and loving, although conservative in many ways, like me. All of my family, except for two nieces and one nephew, are boycotting my church “wedding.” My question is this. How do I go about “divorcing” my family? My partner says to suck it up, but it hurts too much not to make a strong stand against their disloyalty and disregard of my family values. I feel very bad when I should be happy at this stage of my life.
– Gay Pride
Dear Gay: There is no mechanism for you to sever ties with your family. So you’re going to have to lead with your heart. Do what you are going to do, accept that which you cannot change, and get on with your life.
“Suck it up” is excellent advice, though I would put it this way: “Let it go.” Try to release your pain and resentment, and choose to move forward.
…
Dear Amy: My husband and I have been married a little more than two years. He works as an ER nurse – he loves his job. It is high intensity, and he loves to help people. He says he finds day shifts and private practice “boring.” Two weeks or so each month, he works overnight shifts and sleeps (poorly) during the day.
On those weeks, he is grumpy and irritable, to the point that I feel as if I am walking on eggshells around him. The other two weeks of the months (when he has day shifts and sleeps regularly), he is the wonderful man I married. We’ve talked about this. He says I need to accept the fact that sometimes he is in a bad mood. I say I don’t want to take the brunt of it when he is.
– Walking on Eggshells
Dear Walking: Your husband’s work schedule is particularly punishing. He might actually do better working all nights, rather than switching back and forth. Obviously, he needs to do everything possible to get enough rest – for his physical and mental health. He should get a medical checkup, do some research on his own circadian rhythm and make whatever changes he needs to make – with his diet, exercise and sleep cycles – to guard his health and marriage against the demands of his schedule.
If your husband feels that being an intensity junky supersedes his obligation to be decent to you at home, then you may have a bigger problem than you realize.
