First the humidor arrived at Coors Field. Then came the lower scores.
The connection is inescapable, to say nothing of wonderful and ironic. On its fourth anniversary, the humidor came full circle Thursday night. Arizona Diamondbacks slugger Chad Tracy threatened to turn the storage chamber into a recycling project.
“Don’t let me find out where that thing is or…” said Tracy, pausing. “I’ll take some explosives to it.”
For those who have followed Coors Field’s 12-year history, this response is as shocking as it is funny. The list of pitchers who have volunteered dynamite sticks to detonate the palace on Blake Street is long and illustrious, including everyone from Greg Maddux to Trevor Hoffman.
Now, the hitters are complaining about Coors? That’s rich.
“Or stupid,” said Rockies starter Aaron Cook. “It’s really hard to believe.”
Added Colorado GM Dan O’Dowd, “I find it comical. There are plenty of bloop doubles here that wouldn’t have been a hit anywhere else because the park is so expansive. It’s early. Let’s see what happens in June and July, when the ball carries well.”
Hopefully, nothing. Seriously, do you know what kind of advantage this can be for the Rockies?
Everyone knows Colorado must be dominant at home to contend. What better edge than to get into the opponents’ heads? The altitude has long worked for the Broncos and Nuggets, with visitors reminded of the dangers of physical activity at 5,280 feet.
Even the Rockies left the tires bare with all the mileage they got out of talking up Coors Field as if it were located on the moon. Those hitters – see Larry Walker, Andres Galarraga, Dante Bichette and Ellis Burks – are gone. That ballpark no longer exists. So it’s time to flip the script.
The Rockies need to embrace their humidor. Don’t be afraid to brag about it. Or even place pictures of icicle baseballs around the stadium, preferably in the visitor’s batting cage.
Heck, have Humidor Night at the ballpark, passing out candy cigars to the first 10,000 fans. Provide an amendment to the marketing slogan: R You In? Our Baseballs Are.
Let’s be honest, the grousing has only increased because the Rockies are finally viewed as a potential threat in the mediocre National League West. Visitors had little reason to gripe when they were winning their share of games in Denver the past four seasons. If Colorado gets hot during its upcoming homestand, let opponents think they are hitting snowballs.
Mind games, after all, have long influenced the outcome of real games.
“If their pitchers gave up nine runs before, they complained. Now they are giving up three, and they are complaining. You can’t have it both ways,” Rockies starter Jason Jennings said. “The ball is still dry and tough to get a grip on. That’s not going to change. So unless they make a hand humidor that we can use in between pitches, they just need to deal with it.”
No cliffhangers on Bonds’ show
Caught the debut of “Bonds on Bonds,” the reality show featuring San Francisco Giants slugger Barry Bonds. Predictably, about 45 minutes were devoted to Bonds portraying himself as a victim, which comes as no surprise given his insatiable appetite for self-pity. More telling was Bonds’ obvious need for attention. The day the Sports Illustrated cover came out depicting him as a steroid monster, he reveled in talk shows discussing him and couldn’t get over the paparazzi at his house.
This show isn’t going to allow us to figure out whether Bonds used performance-enhancing drugs – though his obsession with being the best doesn’t require a leap of faith to connect the dots. What’s fascinating is watching Bonds try to figure himself out. He’s a walking contradiction.
If Barry can’t make Barry look good, how long can he continue blaming the media?
It’s a bird, it’s a plane
Arizona slugger Luis Gonzalez, already cherished in the Phoenix community, helped save a man during a car accident this past winter. It created surreal moments, fans and rescue-crew members asking for his autograph and talking baseball as he helped out a fellow motorist. Gonzalez was embarrassed by the attention. His teammates couldn’t resist ribbing him, however. A Superman cape was placed in his locker.
“I wore it down to the batting cage a few times,” Gonzalez said. “They got a kick out of that.”
Footnotes
The Braves’ Jeff Francoeur began in a 1-for-16 slide, doing little to temper concerns that his impatience at the plate could work against him during his sophomore season. … Build it and they will come? Try “build a winner and they will come.” The Orioles’ crowd of 13,194 on Thursday was the smallest in Camden Yards history….The Diamondbacks have moved Justin Upton, the top pick in the 2005 draft, from shortstop to center field, a shrewd decision given their high regard for shortstop Stephen Drew…. The Tigers’ Chris Shelton hit more home runs in his first three games (four) than the Rockies and Diamondbacks hit in their three-game series at Coors Field….Attention, fantasy league owners: Jonathan Papelbon is closing games for the Red Sox. With a 95-mph heater and eat-nails mentality, he could very well keep the role….Anyone picking the Dodgers to win the NL West (see my column mug) looks foolish right now. Think Blue? More like Think Blue Cross and Blue Shield. Eric Gagne, Nomar Garciaparra and Kenny Lofton are all hurt….Don’t be surprised if Yankees manager Joe Torre settles on Kelly Stinnett as Randy Johnson’s personal catcher. … The Marlins started six rookies on opening day, the first time that’s happened since 1900. … San Diego is paying Chan Ho Park and Woody Williams $15 million to be in the bullpen as long relievers. …Bret Prinz is expected to work as the closer in Triple-A Colorado Springs with Randy Williams and Nate Field as setup men.
Troy E. Renck can be reached at 303-820-5447 or trenck@denverpost.com.
