Walnut Creek, Calif. – Whoever said weddings break the bank obviously wasn’t referring to the other banks involved – those of friends who are often on single incomes and throwing what has come to be the social event of the year: the pre-party.
Whether it’s a bridal shower, bachelor party or the venerable bachelorette party, which often includes out-of-town excursions or pricey spas, there’s no limit these days to what friends are expected to do for their nuptial-bound buddies.
Fortunately, you can treat your friends to a memorable experience without taking out a loan.
“It’s all about going out and having a good time with your girlfriends,” says Nikki Thompson, who will be maid of honor at her friend Amy Noga’s wedding. In other words, it’s not about how much money you spend or where you whisk them off to. It’s about making memories and having fun.
Thompson managed to do that without going into debt. She and Noga, the bride, have known each other since Brownies, and often reminisce about the post-college nights they spent dancing to Bay Area cover bands such as Tainted Love and Superdiamond. The Cheeseballs were a favorite.
So they grabbed friends and caught the band recently near San Francisco, complete with pizza and games in a hotel room near the club and had breakfast the next morning. Amy wore the Minnie Mouse veil that has become a tradition in her group. She’s the third to wear it.
“I wanted to do something that she would have the most fun doing,” says Thompson, 35. “And since Amy and I now live on opposite sides of the bay, it was going back to the things we used to do. It had meaning.”
Thompson got married in 2004 and remembers the difficulty in choosing the right girls’ night out for her clan. A trip to Las Vegas was suggested, but Thompson chose a night of San Francisco clubbing instead.
“I said no because I wanted the people close to me to be able to (afford to) go,” Thompson says. “Otherwise, it becomes more about the trip than the celebration.”
But if you still want to venture out of town, it can be affordable.
With financial help from Mom, Gavin Frase of Berkeley was able to go big for his brother’s bachelor party.
In February, the men flew to Florida for the Daytona 500. They rented an RV – filling it with beer and hot dogs – plus a spot in the infield. They partied on top of that RV all weekend.
Why Daytona? The men are sports fans, and the brothers both attended Florida universities. Since the wedding is in California, Frase says, he figured it would be fair to accommodate the East Coast friends by having the bachelor party over there.
Despite the trip’s cost, split among the guys and Mom, Frase says it was worth it.
“Definitely,” he says. “The phase of our lives where we can run off with a group of guys for a weekend of boozing and race cars is quickly coming to an end.”
Staci DeShasier is throwing her best friend’s bridal shower and bachelorette party. For the shower, she’s planning a tea party at a cafe. It’s $30 a head, and everyone will pay her own way. For invitations, DeShasier used Evite.com, a free online service that sends reminders and maps.
“Spas are pretty expensive,” says DeShasier. “Plus, tea spans the ages, so I thought it’d be a nice way to include her mother, little sister and grandmother.” For the bachelorette party in August, DeShasier is planning an overnight stay in San Francisco and a party bus to Ruby Skye.
Partybus.com offers buses that take you clubbing in the city and waive cover charges. The more people you bring, the bigger the discounts.
DeShasier throws parties – not unlike Mary Kay or Tupperware parties – professionally through Passion Parties, a company that provides games and adult toys in the privacy of women’s homes.
The formula works great for bachelorettes who aren’t huge partyers, DeShasier says, and best of all, it’s free. She makes her money in the products that women buy. A maid of honor who’s not sure what to plan or has a tight budget can call DeShasier, and she’ll arrange a girls night in.
“I really try to tailor it to the crowd,” DeShasier says. “Are they a wild crowd or a mild crowd? What types of games and products would they like?”
She throws at least 20 parties a year and says that in an industry that targets brides for so much, it’s nice for them to sit back on this one night and not be responsible for it.
“This is their night to relax,” DeShasier says.
More than anything, Laurie Wilson wanted to leave town for her bachelorette party.
“I love Vegas. I don’t think it would be as special if I stayed in my hometown,” says Wilson of San Francisco.
Next month, she and her seven friends will descend on Sin City for a packed weekend of dinners, drinking, clubbing, optional spa treatments, poolside lounging, shopping and gambling.
Her guest list was twice as long, but, Wilson says, many couldn’t make it.
“It actually really bummed me out, so one of my friends is planning cocktails at her house when we get back and maybe walking to the Bubble Lounge,” she says.
That way, she can celebrate with all her girlfriends. But Wilson definitely understands their financial constraints. Last year, she spent $1,000 to attend a bachelorette party in Miami.
“So mine’s not that bad,” she says. “I’ve heard of people going to Costa Rica.”
Want to plan a fun party for the bride or groom without going into debt? Try these:
Think of hobbies. She must have a favorite local band. Perhaps he is an avid golfer? Plan a day or evening around something they love.
Partybus.com. Get 20 partyers and rent a bus for $35 a head.Covers are waived, and there’s also a dine-and-dance package.
Loveisin.com. Throw a Passion Party for the bride in the comfort of her or your home. It’s free, as long as someone buys some products.
Tea party. You can go to a teahouse and pay $30 a head, or you can throw a shower in the backyard. Tea sandwiches are easy to make, tea bags are cheap, and you can make scones for as little as $1 a box.
