Have you ever gone back into a room to make sure the lights were turned out?
Have you ever washed your hands after touching a germ-infected surface?
You most likely answered “yes” to both questions. Now here’s another one: Have you ever done either of those things hundreds of times a day?
That’s what people with obsessive-compulsive disorder experience. Words cannot describe the agony and dread caused by the “doubting disease,” but the Obsessive-Compulsive Foundation is trying to help people understand the disorder with their new campaign, “What Does OCD Look Like?”
It looks like me, and like a 19-year- old University of Houston freshman, who was selected as the new national spokesperson for the public awareness campaign. It is aimed at the half-million teenagers in the United States who suffer from OCD, and it could not be more timely. As with many mental illnesses, OCD is highly misunderstood and stigmatized, and the ignorance can only be combatted with information.
I joined the ranks of the 7 million Americans with OCD during my freshman year of high school. I was 14, and had been living in an earthly hell for five months. I was plagued by fears about God, religion and whether or not I was a “good person.” Hours were spent praying compulsively and asking my family and pastor for reassurance. I also had compulsions regarding the number six and the color red. When I began treatment, I learned that the religious obsessions were part of a form of OCD called “scrupulosity.” After two years of behavioral therapy and continuing medication, I have learned to control the thoughts and rituals, and am able to live a life that is mostly unaffected by OCD.
Thanks to television shows such as “Monk,” OCD has managed to work its way into the public eye. However, the show portrays it in a grossly inaccurate way. The title character suffers from stereotypical contamination and symmetry obsessions, and his compulsions are made out to be amusing idiosyncrasies. The anxiety and panic that untreated sufferers feel is rarely if ever addressed in this or any other form of entertainment that features obsessive-compulsive characters. Neither are other forms of obsessions such as scrupulosity, unwanted sexual and violent thoughts, or hoarding.
When society decides to label OCD patients as quirky neat-freaks with a fondness for hand sanitizers, undiagnosed sufferers often spend years without the treatment they need, and their lives remain out of control. On average, it takes obsessive-compulsives more than nine years to receive the correct diagnosis. I was lucky in that respect. I was diagnosed within months once my symptoms began. When discovered early and treated properly, OCD can be managed and controlled.
The problem is public ignorance. It is so great that many people do not recognize OCD symptoms that are not stereotypical and therefore do not receive the necessary treatment.
Social stigma is also a problem for people with OCD, especially children and teenagers. The fear of being considered “crazy” or “weird” often leads obsessive-compulsives to act as though nothing is wrong, withdrawing into a social façade or even refusing treatment. I remember when I first told several of my friends and tried to explain OCD to them. Most of them didn’t understand, and several felt the need to walk on eggshells around me for the next few weeks.
The most hurtful reaction was when two girls told me that they didn’t believe me. One of them took upon the role of psychiatrist and informed me that OCD is “when people wash their hands a lot” and suggested that fear of God is normal. Both girls eventually stopped talking to me. Such encounters can turn the fight against OCD into a silent, shameful struggle.
After meeting countless others with similar experiences, I became an OCD activist of sorts. I’ve been on various panel discussions and attended conferences for educators who are attempting to understand OCD in their students. Knowledge is power, and I’ve done my best to provide that.
That is why I admire Elizabeth McIngvale, a tall, beautiful blonde who is willing to stand in front of the nation as the “face of OCD.” The OC Foundation made a wise choice in selecting a young, attractive spokeswoman, because it shows that truly anyone could have a mental illness. OCD comes in many varieties, and so do the people who struggle with it. Obsessive-compulsives are ordinary people who deserve to be understood. Information is the most powerful weapon against ignorance, and it is wonderful to see Elizabeth wielding it so deftly.
Emily Spearman (emily@thespearmans.com) is a senior at Fairview High School in Boulder.
