Q: Scott,
I’ve been with my present boyfriend for two years. When we first began dating, we both were clearly playing the field and continued to see other people for the first few months.
After a while, we agreed to only see each other. However, after a couple more months, I found out that he also continued to see another woman.
He eventually broke things off with her and he has been “faithful” to me ever since. Or, so I think.
I am getting suspicious that he may be wandering off again. I have no proof, but it’s the little things that are raising my eyebrows.
For example, there are late night cell phone calls that he won’t answer in my presence. He will go outside to talk on his cell phone on occasion, and he gets edgy when I ask who it was or where he has been.
Granted, this isn’t a daily thing, but it’s been occurring more frequently as of late. Aside from these incidences, we have a great relationship. We recently moved in together and have been talking about getting married.
The question to you is: When or should I confront him about my suspicion? Do I wait until I have actual proof?
Or, do it now and risk being wrong. If I’m wrong, I’ll be accused of being insecure. Maybe so.
Perhaps I am being insecure and paranoid considering the behavior. I assure you if I had actual proof, I’d be out the door and gone with no discussion whatsoever.
But without the proof, what’s a woman to do?
SCOTT: A woman listens to her intuition and takes action when necessary. For instance, when her boyfriend starts acting differently towards her, changes his normal routines such as coming in late, making calls and not telling her who he’s talking to.
These could all indicate that she’s not the only blip on his love radar (aka “lovedar,” get it?). Spotting the signs can be tricky to tell but it all boils down to changes in behavior.
Any of that sound remotely familiar?
As for confronting him, do it when it feels right to you. You have a pretty good case as-is but if you want more proof, then hold off.
Either way, a conversation needs to happen about your trust issues, which no doubt stem from his dishonesty in the beginning of the relationship. It would also be a good time to discuss how you feel about his mysterious phone activity and defensiveness when you ask him about it.
Successful relationships rely on two major components: communication and trust, both of which seem to be missing here. Work on that before you take things to the next level and — gulp — get married.
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