Dear Amy: I lead an interesting life. I have a corporate job during the day and play in a hard-rock band at night. I also sing in a professional men’s a cappella chorus. Plus, I still have time for an active social life.
I would change only one thing about my life. My past keeps haunting me. While I have not lived the whole “rock star” life, people assume I am this hard-rock musician who just wants to have a one-night stand with a woman, party all the time and be crazy! Yet I just want to meet someone, go on a date and get to know her – and I have tried! I seem to have a reputation as a “man-whore.” I have taken a woman home from a bar only once. Sure, I’ve left bars with many women, but what people don’t realize is that I’m driving them home because they’re too drunk to take care of themselves!
I like to flirt a lot at the bar where we play, but I can’t escape this image people have of me. I am a nice guy, but the second I meet a great person the bad reputation comes right back. The only good that has come out of this is that I have quit drinking.
I’m not sure if I need to pack up my things and move back to Texas, or if I should accept what they believe as fact. For the first time, I regret my life.
– Pseudo Rock Star
Dear Pseudo: Nothing screams “rock star” quite like the phrase, “I sing in a professional men’s a cappella chorus.” You may not be Tommy Lee, but you seem to have his sense of celebrity.
If you want to change your reputation, change your behavior, one woman at a time. It’s fine to flirt with women, but don’t tease them. Women soooooo hate that.
Instead of driving drunken party girls home, have them wait inside the bar while you call a cab for them.
Unless you are the victim of an undeserved and anonymous smear campaign, you are in charge of your reputation. You build up a good rep by being respectful, reliable and true to your word. I know this new way of behaving sounds more “Boy Scout” than “rock star,” but you’re the one who wants to change, right? You’re going to have to trust me here – if a woman is really interested in you, she will be ever so eager to learn you’re the nice guy you think you are, and she’ll hang in there while you prove it.
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Dear Amy: My fiancé and I called it quits almost a month ago, yet we still see each other for coffee every morning. I’m still in love with him, but after I moved out of our apartment, he had a new “female” roommate.
We had sex yesterday but couldn’t go to his place because his “roommate” was there. He doesn’t want us to meet. She moved in within two weeks of my moving out. I’m not allowed at his place or to meet her. He turns his cellphone off when we’re together.
He says he loves me but still wants to take things slowly. I don’t know what to believe! I’m heartbroken, in love and terrified of the truth. Am I just being insecure, or is he really playing games with two hearts?
– Jewels
Dear Jewels: It sounds as if your former fiancé is playing with two hearts – and other body parts. So stop having sex with him. Don’t even have coffee with him. It’s time to find another coffee mate.
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Dear Amy: I’ve seen letters about a husband getting a motorcycle, and while there have been several letters of why it can be a good thing, there are other issues they never address.
If there are children and he’s willing to risk making his wife a widow and his kids fatherless, the least he can do is make sure he has a hefty life insurance policy. A careful rider can’t protect against careless car drivers. Cyclists are vulnerable.
– Regular Reader
Dear Reader: There is no question riding motorcycles is risky. So is mountain climbing. People engaging in such risk-taking should do everything possible to minimize the risk – and protect their loved ones.
E-mail askamy@tribune.com or write Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
