The news from the nation’s capital was worrisome. Team Bush, which had led America from peace and prosperity into our current condition, was falling apart. Deeply concerned, I tracked down my favorite inside source: Ananias Ziegler, media relations director for the Committee That Really Runs America.
“What’s with the new press secretary?” I began. “Tony Snow doesn’t fit.”
“What do you mean, ‘doesn’t fit’?” Ziegler sputtered. “He wrote speeches for President Bush the Elder and he worked for the most ‘fair and balanced’ television network of all time. So how could he not fit?”
“By and large,” I pointed out, “Bush sticks with people who owe their careers to him. People you never would have heard of if they hadn’t received jobs from Bush. I mean, who would have heard of Ari Fleischer or Scott McClellan without their White House positions?
“Tony Snow is somebody I’ve heard of, somebody with his own career outside the Bush machine. Doesn’t that strike you as odd? Or is it a sign of how desperate the president must feel these days?”
“Desperate?” Ziegler parried. “The president is relaxed and in full control of the situation. Unemployment is down, and he’s announced a plan to reduce gasoline prices.”
“And federal spending is out of control,” I pointed out. “This brave leader of the free world has for some reason been too scared to veto a single piece of pork-barrel legislation, his big Social Security reform is dead, the Iraqis still haven’t welcomed us with open arms and they’re not even close to producing enough oil to pay for the costs of reconstruction. Even when Bush has been right about things, with his immigration-reform proposals and the Dubai port terminal sale, he’s lost the political battles.”
Ziegler cut me off. “You guys always focus on the negative. Remember, you wanted to ask me about White House personnel changes, and now you’re trying to get me to comment on irrelevant matters. So let’s stay on topic here.”
I tried to be polite. “OK, most presidents have a staff overhaul at some point, especially in their second term. But there really has been quite an exodus, including a new chief of staff.”
Ziegler agreed, but pointed out that Karl Rove was still at work. “I noticed that,” I said, “but he’s just handling the political end now, and won’t have much to do with policy. Is that because his policy work hasn’t been all that good?”
“You’re always trying to put a negative spin on things, aren’t you?” Ziegler objected. “You’ll agree, I’m sure, that Rove is a genius at nuts-and- bolts politics.”
“He does seem to do well with the nuts,” I agreed.
“Quit trying to be cute,” Ziegler grumped. “Here’s the deal. We have a midterm election coming up, and to be honest, things don’t look good at this point. Our poll numbers are terrible. Think about what could happen if the wrong party got control of one house of Congress.”
That didn’t sound so terrible to me, I told Ziegler.
“Obviously, you haven’t thought it through. The majority party chairs the committees and sets their agendas. If they get in power, even to that degree, they will launch investigation after investigation. The House and Senate could rediscover their constitutional roles of providing checks and balances to the executive branch.
“They’ll be looking at domestic wire-tapping. They’ll go after secret CIA prisons in eastern Europe. They might even make a hero out of the traitor who dropped the dime on that one – and at no-bid contracts in Iraq, and at federal land sales and drilling leases and just dozens of other things that Americans really don’t need to know more about.”
That was a frightening thought, especially considering what we’ve already learned, I agreed.
“Now you know why it’s important that Karl devote full-time attention to the political side,” Ziegler said. “The future of America as we have come to know it depends on these midterm elections, and he’s the man to make sure they come out the right way.”
On that cheerful note, I wished him well, hung up, and went looking for a saloon, for I felt strongly in need of some strong drink.
Ed Quillen of Salida (ed@cozine.com. ) is a former newspaper editor whose writes Tuesday and Sunday.
