Q: I am an avid reader of your column and love your answers. I figured I would bounce something off of you.
I have a male friend who is ten years younger than me. I have helped him out a lot, even getting him a job where I work. He is a wonderful man and much more mature than his 24 years. We get along famously and share many common interests. Many of our coworkers tease us both that something is going on. Nothing is!
I am very interested in him and have feelings for him. He has this ex-girlfriend that he feels “sorry” for because she is a complete idiot and can’t do anything for herself. When he and I have plans she miraculously finds out about them and inserts herself into them one way or another.
I feel as though I have given him many clues as to how I feel about him, but I am still uncertain how he feels toward me. Should I break down and just spell it out? I am worried not so much about rejection but ruining a great friendship if my feelings are not reciprocated.
Please help…
– Solitary Soul
SCOTT: How do you think she knows about your plans all the time? Because he tells her!
OK, let’s try something different. I always say when you like someone, start out subtly and drop hints. But some guys have to be beat over the head with the subtly. Hmmm, I guess that would no longer be considered subtle would it?
Well anyway, that’s what you need to do. Make a plan with him, preferably dinner, and insert an overtly subtle “just us” clause. At dinner you’ll have a few drinks and tell him how much you value your friendship, but that you wouldn’t mind more. (Insert a compliment, such as “because you’re so cute”, etc.) But don’t be heavy or cry or do anything dramatic.
You work together and wouldn’t want to jeopardize that relationship, nor your friendship. Just test the waters, see how he responds and you’ll know how to proceed. If not, write me back. I’ve got a soft spot for avid readers and can’t bear to think of you being a “solitary soul” any longer.
Dear Readers:
I need more questions! I write the column 5x per week and that’s a lot but I couldn’t do it without you.
Need to know when it’s time for a career change or how to deal with your friends, parents or kids when they’re acting up? How about what to wear for an important date or work function?
I’m a good guy to bounce your ideas off of and I may not tell you what you want to hear but I’ll always give you the great advice you need, just like your best friend would.
I respond to every e-mail, and welcome your questions seeking general advice on love or anything else you’re curious about. Rest assured, the column is completely anonymous and your name and e-mail address will never be revealed.
Send me your questions for publication here.
Thanks!
– Scott