June fur ball | “Garfield’s A Tail of Two Kitties”: Our allergy to the big-screen version of the feline is so violent not even the voice of Bill Murray can stop us from going into anaphylactic shock at the thought of watching this ball of CGI fur. Our only comfort? The hope Morris will return from a pet cemetery and start a catfight. Now that’s a tale we’d watch. (June 23)
Slow blinker | “The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift”: “If you ain’t out of control, you aren’t in control.” Ah, yes, the Zen of unabated sequel-making. The downshifting franchise picks up another driver (Lucas Black) and finds new laws to break, new enemies to make in a new land, Japan. (June 16)
Night of the living dud | “Lady in the Water”: Dread isn’t the first thing we feel upon hearing M. Night Shyamalan’s name. Wait. It is – only not this way. But after his easily parodied “The Village,” starring Dallas Bryce Howard and “Manderlay” not his but featuring leading “Lady” Howard again) consider us twice bitten, so very shy about seeing this story about a magical “narf” named Story. (July 21) | Lisa Kennedy
Crash not | I’m saving a big scoop of dread for Oliver Stone’s “World Trade Center” movie (August). Not because I’m agin’ him as a filmmaker, but because I’ve seen those planes hit those towers enough in video footage that I’m not sure I ever need to see it again. It could very well be an accomplished and moving film, as is Paul Greengrass’ “United 93.” Speaking personally, though, I’m not sure I have much to gain except nightmares from major feature films about Sept. 11.
Bye bye banzai | Ditto for slapdash remakes of intriguing Japanese horror films. The trailer for the American version of “Pulse” (July) has been around for months, and it’s one of those thrillers where you just know the best stuff was in the preview. Not everyone can be “The Ring.”
Chicken out | If I have to see another animated feature with a cute, wise-cracking chicken in it, I swear I’m going straight to KFC for a bucket of wings.
Two more summer movies feature trash- talking animals, “Over the Hedge” (May) and “Barnyard” (July). Big-money American animation is in a terrible rut, and these two films don’t make me hopeful for the rest of 2006. Enough with the lippy birds, already. | Michael Booth
