For the latest in fashionable infant wear, check out Pimpfants.
Put your tot in a onesie that says “Baby Bling” or a mini-basketball outfit that says “Jr. Pimp Squad,” the clothing company boasts at www.pimpfants.com.
Pimpfants creator Jared Parsons, 31, a skateboarder-turned-father of three in Portland, Ore., told me his company is often misunderstood.
“This has absolutely nothing to do with pimps and hos,” he said. “It’s just the way us skater kids talk. When we like a pair of shoes, we say, ‘Man, those shoes are pimping.’ When we like a certain car, ‘That car’s pimping.”‘
Would you believe that the scandal-ridden actor Charlie Sheen recently launched Sheen Kidz, a line of clothing for little girls?
Then there’s www.obnoxiousbaby.com, selling onesies that boast “I prefer my milk straight from the boob.” Or “My parents shake me!”
The message is a more wholesome at www.babyrockapparel.com, where you can buy a onesie that says “Jesus Is My Homeboy” or a T-shirt that reads “What Happens in Preschool Stays in Preschool.” The company’s founder says she has nicknamed her son “Con Man.”
“When ‘Con Man’ was born, my husband and I couldn’t find any clothes that were basic, trendy and cool for infants,” she claims on the website, “so we created baby rock apparel to fill the void.”
Should pop culture, branding and consumerism begin in the cradle? Or the womb? At Wal-Mart you can buy the BebeSounds Prenatal Monitor Set With Music. “Listen, talk & play music to your unborn baby!” Only $24.88! The set comes with Mozart, but you can play your favorite bands too. Like maybe Death Cab for Cutie.
Harvard psychiatry instructor Susan Linn says today’s children are “caught in an unprecedented maelstrom of corporate marketing.” She calls it a “hostile takeover of childhood.”
Linn co-founded a Boston-based group called The Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood, which recently filed a complaint at the Federal Trade Commission against two companies that make videos for babies. The complaint accuses Baby Einstein Co. – founded in Colorado in 1997 – and Brainy Baby Co. of deceptive marketing.
It says these should not be able to claim that their videos develop “your toddler’s speech and language skills” or give “your child a jump-start on learning.” Both companies, meanwhile, stick by their claims that they provide early-education products.
Baby Einstein, founded by Julie Aigner-Clark and Bill Clark of Lone Tree, has the largest piece of the baby-video market.
The Clarks built their business up to more than $17 million in sales by 2001 and then sold the company to Walt Disney Co., for which they are now consultants.
Under Disney, Baby Einstein racked up more than $200 million in 2005 sales.
“It’s a way of hooking kids on Disney now,” said Linn.
Kids can watch Baby Einstein from birth and grow into “Little Einsteins,” a Disney Channel show. At every baby step of the way, they are exposed to a mind-boggling array of products and brands.
I used to play Baby Einstein videos at 6 a.m. for my son when he woke up and I still needed to sleep. “I learned my ABCs from that,” he recalls now at age 6.
I was just happy that these videos kept him in a quiet trance. But today he’s into “Little Einsteins” and would easily become a Disney Channel junkie if my wife and I didn’t control the TV.
“On average, babies are watching about 2 hours of screen media a day,” said Linn. “But there’s no evidence that any amount of TV is good for babies, and there’s some evidence suggesting it’s not.”
In 1999, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommended that children younger than 2 be discouraged from watching television, particularly because it takes time away from what they really need.
“Babies and toddlers have a critical need for direct interactions with parents … for healthy brain growth and the development of appropriate social, emotional and cognitive skills,” the academy said.
You don’t get that from watching kidvid or hanging with the Jr. Pimp Squad.
Al Lewis’ column appears Sundays, Tuesdays and Fridays. Respond to Lewis at denverpostbloghouse.com/lewis, 303-820-1967 or alewis@denverpost.com.
