Q: Hey Scott. I have a friend who has what I think is a pretty serious problem. She has a 13-year-old son that still sleeps in the same bed with her, every night. She is a single mom, a WONDERFUL single mom, and has been his whole life. He’s a great kid, too.
Needless to say he’s a “momma’s boy.” But I think this could be really damaging to both of them. For instance, I know she would like to have a boyfriend and possibly someday remarry. Up until now she has not had male overnight guests, but I doubt that will last forever.
What’s your take on this bizarre activity? I asked her recently if he is still sleeping with her and she says yes, but she’s sure he’ll stop when he reaches puberty. I think that a touch late, don’t you ?
– Just a concerned friend in Arizona
SCOTT: Everyone has their own opinion on this. Some say age five. Some say eight or nine. But I can tell you that, “momma’s boy” or not, 13 is way too old!
Forget about whether or not she has a boyfriend, this habit’s going to be way easier for her to break than for her teenager. Not to mention the potential he’ll develop security and separation issues. He may never feel safe without mom right beside him.
No need to get in an argument with her over this but if you can, gently tell her that waiting until puberty is too long.
Many experts feel this practice should be discontinued between ages three and four so the child can learn to sleep in their own bed and because a healthy, strong, independent adult starts with a healthy, strong and independent child.
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