The donated black dress and matching coat hung loosely over Cindy Maestas’ small frame as she stood in shoes too large for her feet at the funeral for the fireman who helped save her daughter’s life.
Maestas is without a home, clothing and a car, but she was determined to attend Lt. Richard Montoya’s Mass.
She lit the candles that ultimately toppled and ignited the fire that killed Montoya and burned her 16-year-old daughter, Raquel Gutierrez.
“I’m still trying to take this in,” she said, shortly after waking up Thursday morning. “It’s the funeral, and it’s so final.”
The guilt is there no matter how many times people explain that it’s not her fault – that Montoya died doing the job he loved.
During the service, firemen’s wives whispered in Maestas’ ears, “It’s not your fault. It’s what they do.”
Her daughter, Raquel, waited to hear about the funeral from her bed at University of Colorado Hospital.
Maestas brought Raquel the program from the Mass that had Montoya’s photograph on the front and the Fireman’s Prayer printed inside.
The teenager, propped up on pillows and clad in a green and white hospital gown, broke down in tears as she read the passages.
Raquel wanted to be at the service, but she was still recovering from first- and second-degree burns on her left arm and foot.
“I watched it on TV, but I knew I couldn’t even watch the whole thing,” she said of the funeral. “It’s sad he had to lose his life, especially saving mine.”
The day before the funeral was the worst day of Raquel’s life as doctors performed skin-graft surgery.
“No one, I mean no one, has the tiniest clue how bad it was,” she said. “The skin grafts feel worse than the burns. They were scraping the skin off my leg to put it on my arm.”
Raquel’s mother was relieved at the funeral when Catherine Kruczek, who was burned in a fire more than 20 years ago, approached her and offered the family emotional support.
“Raquel was talking about how nobody can relate to her pain,” Maestas said. “She can help her understand what she’s going through.”
Kruczek, burned over 70 percent of her body, embraced Maestas and told her that she, Raquel and her other daughter, Shantell, 14, were going to make it through the hard times.
“You are a very strong person,” she told Shantell, who tried to drag Raquel out of the burning house. “Saving your sister – that is a very special gift.”
Raquel may be sent home from the hospital today or Saturday, but home is a relative term. The family is staying in a one- bedroom apartment in Montbello, and it’s likely that Raquel will be sleeping on a couch despite her medical condition.
“We need everything a person needs to live,” Raquel said.
Staff writer Felisa Cardona can be reached at 303-820-1219 or fcardona@denverpost.com.
