Dear Amy: I am at a loss.
My husband constantly interrupts me when I talk. It is like he is a child who can’t hold onto his thoughts.
I am a good listener and am polite to people, so this really annoys me.
We have been married for 24 years and have a good, loving marriage and a great family.
My husband is a great guy, but this is driving me crazy! He will ask me how my day was, what I did or about a conversation I had with someone, and as soon as I start telling him, he will interrupt with something totally off the subject, such as, “Hey, I noticed the Smiths’ house is for sale.” I have learned to give him the “condensed” version of things because I feel like it is a race to get out what I have to say.
How can I get him to stop, or what should I do when he does this?
– Labored Listener
Dear Listener: Try this. Take an object that has some heft to it, such as the television remote.
The rule is simple. Only the person holding on to the object may speak. You and your husband can practice by having him hold the object and ask you a sample question. You listen and make eye contact while he’s talking. You cannot reply until he hands the object to you. When he does hand it over, you get to speak as long as you are holding the object.
If he wants to speak, he has to wait and then ask you for the object, and you can choose to give it to him if you are ready.
If your homegrown efforts don’t help, a couple of sessions with a professional marriage counselor should help him to see how his poor listening skills affect you and others.
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Dear Amy: I have announced to my boss, our staff and a few other friends and colleagues that I will take an early retirement. It is my desire to close my career and leave with as little fanfare as possible.
My boss and staff want to have a big celebration honoring me or at least do something to mark the day. I have asked them to please respect my request to do nothing. There are many reasons why. Mostly, it is just not my style.
Is my request unreasonable?
– Retiring
Dear Retiring: Your request is reasonable.
Expect it to be ignored.
The best you might hope for would be to ratchet down the plans so that you can leave your job with at least a shred of your selfhood intact. For that reason, it might be best for you to actually agree to something and be in on the planning.
Please remember that this is not for you. It is for your colleagues, who like you and who need to say goodbye to you and wish you well. I hope that you will permit them that little moment, even if you see it as something of an indignity.
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Dear Amy: I want to weigh in on the topic of men cleaning around the house.
I am almost 50 years old and grew up in a household where my mother was very subservient. My father never lifted a finger around the house. The message I got growing up was that women were second-class citizens. It took many years to overcome.
I applaud men who step up and do their share of chores. They are not only setting a very important example for their sons, but they are teaching their daughters that they are equal partners and deserve to be treated with respect.
– Been There
Dear Been There: The relationship that parents model for their children is often replicated, as those children become parents. Doing household chores might seem like a minor issue, but it’s not. When parents are fully participating members of households, they demonstrate to their children how to be positive and contributing family members, no matter their gender.
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