Dear Amy: We have a beautiful 15-year-old daughter who went through nine years of parochial grade school. She had a wonderful educational experience at this school and formed a great basis for learning.
We decided to send her to our public high school for both financial and social reasons. She’ll be a sophomore next year and maintains a high 3.8 GPA.
Her best friend attends the parochial high school and is pressuring her to transfer to her school.
My husband and I recently filed for bankruptcy due to gambling debts and are paying back the debt under Chapter 13. This has put a strain on our budget, and it would be difficult to add a tuition payment on top of it.
We don’t want our daughter to know about the bankruptcy, as her relationship with her father would suffer. He now attends Gamblers Anonymous meetings, and we’ve taken steps to make sure that this won’t happen in the future.
How can we explain to her why she can’t attend a private school when she thinks we can afford it?
– Hate Video Poker
Dear Poker: Your daughter’s academic achievement and promise might put her in the running for a scholarship at the parochial school, and you should explore this if you haven’t already.
I don’t know the particulars of your family dynamics, but in general, I think older teens should be told a careful version of the truth about what is going on with their parents.
If your husband is a recovering gambling addict, then your daughter should be told about it. The purpose isn’t to make her feel worse about her father, but to demonstrate to her that he had a terrible problem and that he has made a commitment to recovery.
No doubt your daughter knows that your family has been through a rough patch, and it’s best that you discuss this with her as a family.
…
Dear Amy: I recently married a wonderful man.
I waited 45 years to get married, and it was definitely worth the wait.
My husband and I decided between the two of us to have a very small, fun, nontraditional ceremony. We only had two witnesses, as required by our state.
The day was fabulous and fun – just what we wanted.
We are having a reception later in the year to celebrate with all of our family and friends.
My problem is my mother. She has become unglued about not being invited to our wedding and has made it clear that I was rude, selfish and uncaring not to include her in the ceremony.
She and my father are invited to the reception, along with the rest of the family. We have not asked for money and are paying for everything ourselves.
When did weddings become everyone else’s business? Was I selfish for having the wedding I wanted? Everyone I know is excited for the two of us except my mom, and she is making life difficult.
How should I handle this?
– Unhappy Newlywed
Dear Newlywed: You might not have been selfish choosing to keep your wedding so private, but you’re either being clueless or disingenuous if you don’t understand why your mother isn’t thrilled by your choice.
Surely you can imagine how disappointed she must have been to wait for 45 years (along with you) until you found Mr. Fabulous, only to miss the day when you sealed the deal.
Show your mother some compassion, and at least acknowledge her sadness about this. Then ask her if she would like to help with the reception. She might feel better if she had a role in the celebration.
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