Dear Amy: A few months ago I took my very modest wife to a tropical island to celebrate our 30th anniversary.
Well, I asked, begged and pleaded with her to loosen up and go topless on the beach. After more begging (and several umbrella drinks) she did, as she was sure that she did not know anyone at this resort.
Now three months later, a good friend showed me a picture. It was of a young woman who was topless, and in the background clear as day was the image of my wife (also topless) and me! My friend said that this picture was posted on the Internet on a free site! I contacted the site and they removed the picture, but by this time the photo had been shown for two weeks.
Now what should I do? I know that if I tell my wife she will freak out about this! Yet, if she finds out from someone else that could be worse! I know that this is all my fault.
Should I just ignore this and hope nothing happens? I need some advice from you and your readers.
– Vacationer from New York
Dear Vacationer: The ethical thing to do is to tell your wife. But I don’t think you should.
Husbands and wives tell each other hard truths and take responsibility for their actions. But husbands and wives also try to shield each other from devastating embarrassments.
If you have done every possible thing you can to get this photo pulled off the Internet (of course nothing completely disappears from the Internet), then let this matter lie.
Meanwhile, there is a special little corner of purgatory reserved for you – and you will live there for a while, worrying that this photo might resurface. That’s your punishment for plying your lovely wife with umbrella drinks and pressuring her to do something that you know she didn’t want to do.
And let this be a very valuable lesson for the rest of us. Camera phones, video cameras and the Internet mean that none of us can be stupid in private anymore.
…
Dear Amy: I am the mom of a 3-year-old. I take him to the pool almost daily. My problem is while I take my son to the pool and get in and play with him, I get pulled, tugged and squirted/dumped with water by children in the pool.
I ask them politely to stop (loud enough for their parents to hear). The parents say nothing. It’s worse when I am in the deep end to catch my son and the children still try to get me to play with them.
I can’t even begin to count on my fingers and toes how many times this has happened. There was also a time when a parent (on a cellphone) put her 3-year-old in the kiddy pool area (no lifeguard) to continue her phone call at the adult pool area while I was in the pool.
How do I politely let parents know that I am no babysitting pool toy?
– Mom in Deep
Dear Mom: You should start by reviewing the rules of your pool. The way you describe the operation, your pool sounds very loosely supervised.
Maybe there is a teenager wearing a fetching bathing suit and a whistle sitting in a tall chair in the pool area, but he or she doesn’t seem to be doing much. Lifeguards are there to promote the safety of all swimmers. If children are leaping on you, squirting, tugging or dunking you, then you and the lifeguard should make them stop.
And speaking of unsafe water tomfoolery, having your 3-year-old leap into your arms in the deep end while there are other young swimmers around is unsafe. The pool I used to take my daughter to wouldn’t allow it if the pool was crowded.
You don’t have to let parents know that you aren’t a babysitting pool toy. Just don’t be one. Pay attention to your child and if there are situations that you consider unsafe regarding other children, find the lifeguard and pool manager to let them know.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
