Dear Amy: I have a 3-year-old daughter, and I am trying to encourage her to eat healthful food. I don’t give my daughter excessive sweets and absolutely no soda. When she asks why, I tell her that what we put into our body eventually must come out in our skin and hair and bones, which is why you only want to eat good, healthful things rather than junk.
My daughter is in day care. Every time a classmate has a birthday, they hand out goody bags loaded with candy, some of it not even appropriate for a young child to have because of choking issues.
Usually my daughter will bring home the goody bag, and I will allow her one piece and then I dump the rest of it.
This morning, as I was dropping her off at 6:45 a.m., one of the moms handed her daughter a bag full of Tootsie Rolls and told her to “share” with the other kids, and the little girl quickly started handing this junk out before the kids even ate their breakfast! I told the teacher to make sure the little girl didn’t hand any to my daughter, but honestly, I feel that this is unfair to my daughter, as she will feel left out.
When I take her to the bank and even the pediatrician, they sometimes hand her candy without even asking me first! Why is everyone so gung-ho about feeding children junk? Short of being rude, how should I handle this problem?
– Sweet Agony
Dear Sweet: I realize that finding quality day care that is affordable is a challenge, but your daughter’s situation sounds less than ideal. Children have all sorts of dietary issues because of severe allergies or obesity and other health concerns. Professional child-care providers should not hand out sweets and should strictly control whatever food is brought into their classrooms. Goody bags for children this age should contain stickers, small packs of crayons and other inexpensive and creative items.
You are doing a great job of educating your daughter about healthful eating. As she gets older, she’ll understand that part of your family’s value system involves adhering to a specific type of diet (she is already aware of this). Children who keep kosher, or who are vegans, vegetarians or follow halal dietary guidelines learn their dietary restrictions and manage to live in a world full of junk, and your daughter will too.
I give you a lot of credit for trying so hard to keep your daughter’s diet healthy.
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Dear Amy: I am a young, single woman living in Chicago. I occasionally go out to dinner with a group of friends, both male and female.
I need advice on how to handle my portion of the check. I don’t order large, expensive meals or drink much alcohol. The other people in the group will order appetizers, large meals, desserts and drinks.
When the bill comes they want to split it according to the number of people at the table. I purposely try to keep my expense down because I am on a limited budget. I pay what they tell me to, which is usually triple what I should have paid, and it ends up ruining my evening. How do I handle this without looking cheap and embarrassing myself?
– Robin
Dear Robin: Isn’t there an episode of “Friends” that deals with precisely this issue? OK. Perhaps you don’t receive all of your important social cues from syndicated reruns that feature a lot of middle-age “twentysomethings.” Let me recap.
There is nothing wrong with saying to the group, “Do you mind if I just pay for my portion instead of splitting the check? I’m on a budget.” (You could also ask for a separate check when ordering.) Being on a budget doesn’t mean that you’re cheap; it means that you are paying your way but unable to pay for your friends’ drinks and crème brûlée just now.
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