Q: I am writing because I have a wedding dilemma. My stepsister is getting married next month, and the wedding is 1400 miles from Denver. Obviously flying is involved. The flight cost has varied from $500 to $900; right now it is about $700. Factoring in the cost of the wedding gift and the shower gift, it’s nearly a $1,000 investment.
In addition to the money aspect, my stepsister has been nothing short of consistently mean to me. If I dare to speak to anyone in the family on the rare occasions I visit home, she rolls her eyes. She even spent an entire semester in college sitting next to my best friend in one of her classes, saying horrible things about me. She actually told my best friend how much she, her sibling and my new stepparent disliked me, but liked my siblings. I should note that I get along very well with my stepparent and other stepsibling; I think they’re wonderful, actually.
Overall, my stepsister treats me terribly. Before our parents were married, I tried taking her to lunch when I visited and chatted with her to try to get to know her better, so I have tried, but I’ve since given up.
My parent cannot understand my unwillingness to fork over this amount of money for someone who likes to loudly (and visually) express her dislike for me. Yes, I do fairly well, but this is still a large chunk of change, not to mention blowing vacation days, when I could use them for a nicer (and less expensive) weekend another time. Do you think I’m justified in not attending? Yes, I do plan to send the required presents.
Thanks,
– On the Receiving End of Bridezilla
SCOTT: Don’t be a pushover. Get off the receiving end and start sending! Send Bridezilla a letter or e-mail explaining that, based on her behavior towards you in addition to what she has said behind your back, you feel it’s best to kindly decline her invitation and wish her all the best and a long and prosperous marriage, blah blah blah, etc.
Honestly, what’s the sense of incurring travel expenses, loss of vacation and the downright annoyance of being around her when you can stay home, save your hard-earned money and vacation and spend time with those who truly appreciate you? You’re too kind to a fault. I wouldn’t even send a gift.