In 1985, a national survey revealed the average American had only three close friends.
In 2006, the General Social Survey conducted by the University of Chicago, revealed that the number had declined to two.
If the trend continues, will the average American eventually become friendless?
These days, we may not have the time it takes to nurture friendships, considering Americans work more hours than citizens of nearly every other industrialized nation.
It cuts into the time we have to nurture friendships, and as a result, sociologists say, the bonds of friendship among many may not be as strong as they were in the past.
It’s a sad reality considering that survey after survey shows that people desire loving relationships more than anything else.
Some of us have friendships we’ve nurtured since second grade. Some of us have good friends. Some of us have colleagues we work well with and we confuse that relationship with friendship.
Transplants like me, who have moved for a job or a spouse, find ourselves trying to replace the friendships we left behind. It’s tough to keep long-distance friendships alive.
And the lucky among us have experienced that ultimate friendship – a bond that is so strong you feel that person was sent to you by God.
I’ve experienced it once. I wanted to spend all of my time with my friend Suzie, blowing off boyfriends sometimes because I got more out of my relationship with her.
For years, we spent almost all our free time together. We shared our innermost thoughts, including embarrassing stuff most people keep locked away.
I stayed at her house nearly every weekend. We went everywhere together. We even enrolled into the same school.
Our boyfriends were jealous. So were other female friends who knew they were missing out on something. Guys who liked us, even though we had no interest in them, sometimes resorted to calling us lesbians.
Our friendship fell apart after she dated my brother and treated him horribly, something I couldn’t forgive. And though I’ve had many close friends since then, none has ever come as close.
That’s why when I heard the hoopla about Oprah Winfrey setting the record straight about her longtime friendship with Gayle King, it made me realize how rare those friendships must be that people need to question it.
During a recent press conference Winfrey declared that she and King are not gay.
King, who was present, chimed in: “The truth is, if we were gay, we would tell you, because there’s nothing wrong with being gay.”
If people are uneasy seeing two women vacation together, going to weddings together, attending galas together, is it because they are dubious about a closeness they’ve never experienced? Or is it because they have a hard time believing two single women in their 50s can be happy in the absence of men?
I admire women who have intense, long-time friendships. It’s proof that they have emotional depth; shallow people can’t maintain intimate friendships. I’m lucky to count a handful of good friends who understand and love me – faults and all.
Some of them are so close I think nothing of walking down the street with them, arm in arm. (It’s a cultural thing; Latinas tend to be demonstrative with their affection.) A few of my closest friends, who ironically live far away, always end a phone conversation with “besitos” (kisses) or “I love you.”
If anyone was listening, they’d swear I have a secret lover. But it’s not. It’s just a friend I love.
Cindy Rodríguez’s column appears Tuesdays and Sundays. Contact her at 303-820-1211 or crodriguez@denverpost.com.
