Q: Dear Scott – I honestly cannot believe that I am writing to you for advice but I could really use information or suggestions by somebody on the outside, not one-sided family and friends.
My problem is my husband of almost four years. First, I must tell you that he currently takes medication for his bi-polar disorder and severe panic attacks. He did not have any “episodes” when we first got together and I was unaware of any past history until he was diagnosed 3 years ago. Since then, he has been unable (or unwilling, maybe?) to keep a job for more than 3 months, goes weeks and even months in between jobs, and is currently unemployed as I write this. He had a job when we first met and got married. He actually kept that job for over a year and then he had his first panic attack and it has been a downward spiral ever since.
We eventually lost our house to foreclosure and filed bankruptcy. We then moved out of state to start anew, but returned to our home state after only a year. The worst part? We have two children to support and only one income mine.
When I talk to him about this, he agrees that something needs to be done and assures me that he will get off of his *** and find a job. He has talked of filing for disability, which makes me cringe. Two weeks ago he found a job through a temp service and worked a full day doing hard labor. The next day, he fell off of our roof trying to hook up our swamp cooler and severely dislocated his left ankle, requiring a very painful surgery that took place today. The doctor says he’ll be out of commission for at least two months. Which leaves me to work, clean, pay bills, take care of kids, etc. ALONE.
Do you see where I’m going? Completely insane. I’m ready to throw in the towel and chalk him up to a big, bad decision but then the wedding vows come streaming through my mind, for better or worse.
If you haven’t fallen asleep yet, I would greatly appreciate a reply. I just don’t know if I am right to be completely fed up or if I should hang in there, especially now. I wouldn’t dream of deserting him while he is healing but, man, after that 2+ months is up, freedom will look even sweeter, ya know? So, please throw a shout out to my poor soul here in Grand Junction. It would be nice to hear a man’s perspective.
SCOTT: I always advise people to hang in there when there’s a chance something’s going to change or that there’ll be an end to the current situation. From your e-mail I can see that you have hung in there and through quite a lot I might add! I won’t tell you to leave your husband but he seems to have proven not to be fit to work. Fortunately, his psychological diagnoses combined with his ankle injury might qualify him for at least short-term disability benefits. At least it’s income and you need income right now.
What I can tell you today is to “hang in there” and try to make things work but if things don’t look up in Grand Junction, know that you have other options. Most importantly remember your two children, who should be your top priority, always.