Dear Amy: My wife and I have one daughter who is 13. She attends public school. She says the girls in her school are cruel and ostracize her.
My daughter has attended all of the birthday parties that she received invitations to, and we have reciprocated.
My wife and I were told that we need to do more for other people’s children, such as taking their kids out for breakfast, lunch and dinners at fine restaurants, having sleepovers and buying gifts for them.
We also understand that we should drive fancy cars and equip our home with the latest gadgets, such as flat-screen televisions.
We are told that unless we accommodate other children by providing them with expensive experiences, such as concerts and sporting events, then our child will have no friends! Unfortunately, my wife and I live modestly.
We are confused.
– Thomas and Dianna
Dear Thomas And Dianna: Your job is to establish the standards and values in your own home.
Your values shouldn’t have anything to do with buying off other children so that they will be friends with your daughter. Unless you heartily reject this notion, your daughter will have an idea that it is acceptable.
If your daughter is being bullied in school, then you and your wife should go to the school and meet with her counselor, her teachers and, if necessary, the principal.
Urge your daughter to get involved in organizations and activities that conform to your values, whether by signing up for the youth group, volunteering at the local library or getting involved in the drama club, honor society, arts or musical groups at school.
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Dear Amy: When is it too late to start over? I am 44, a college grad, with four school-age children. I have been divorced for two years and out of the workforce for 15 years.
Now I have an opportunity to return to school to train for a new career. I am extremely interested in becoming a licensed cosmetologist.
I am creative, sensitive and professional, and I believe I would love the work. Everything feels right about it to me, except a nagging voice that says that I am too old and that it is too late.
At this stage of the game should I confine my “career goals” to being a grocery checker? Should I pursue my dream of finding lucrative work that I love? Has my ship already sailed? I want to make wise choices.
– Building a New Life
Dear Building: If you can’t muster the courage or self-esteem to make this leap for yourself, close your eyes, take a deep breath and then make the leap for your children’s sake.
What a wonderful example you will set when they see you taking this risk and charting a course toward a new future.
You can do it!
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
