Dear Abby: I’m a university sophomore studying chemical engineering. My mother feels that since I’m studying such a potentially rewarding and well-paying field, I should date only other engineers or pre-med students. She says she wants me to date people who will benefit me if we stay together.
Earlier this year, I met a girl who goes to a local community college and plans to be a teacher, and introduced her to my mother on the phone. Afterward, my mother asked me what school and major she was in. When I told her, she said I could do better and should date people on my own level.
This was extremely hurtful. My mother never gives the girls I introduce her to a chance. I really like this girl and don’t want something like this to interfere. What can I do about my mother’s narrow-minded thinking?
– Hurt
Dear Hurt: Not much, I’m afraid. You view selecting a partner from a romantic perspective. From your mother’s perspective, it will be a financial merger. I’m sure your mother wants you to be happy as much as you do. However, you are not an extension of her – and only you can determine what qualifications are important to you in a life partner. When you are fully mature you will understand this and make your own decision without seeking her approval.
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Dear Abby: During our visit to my family at Thanksgiving two years ago, my father made advances toward my wife. He was drunk at the time. My wife told me about it after we had left. I fully support her and do not question what occurred.
The problem is my mother and the rest of the family are wondering why we no longer visit. I am running out of excuses, and my wife has made it clear that she’s not comfortable going back to visit with my dad there.
I don’t want to put my wife in that position, but I do want my daughters to visit with my mother and the rest of the family. Any advice?
– On the Spot
Dear On the Spot: You wouldn’t be on the spot had you dealt with this at the time it occurred. Your mother should be told the truth about why you have stayed away. I don’t know how much or how often your father drinks, or if he has pulled this on any of the other women in the family. But as it stands, your daughters should not visit their grandparents unless they are strictly supervised by you and their mother.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
