Dear Amy: Recently, two things have happened that bring to mind a question. The first was last week, when a neighbor’s daughter invited my 10-year-old daughter to go to the movies. We gave my daughter some money “just in case.” It was a good thing, because it turned out that she was expected to pay her way in and buy her snacks. The other family didn’t even offer.
Then last weekend, we invited one of my son’s friends to go out to dinner with us. I overheard him tell my son that he wasn’t sure if he could afford it. I told him that he was our guest and we would pay for his meal. He did go with us, but the next day he came over with some money his mom sent over to pay for his meal. We refused it and again said that he had been our guest.
Is it right to expect a child whom you invite to go somewhere with your family to pay his or her own way?
– Curious Dad
Dear Dad: This is a great question. When I have brought groups of kids to the movies, I spring for the tickets and let them pay for their snacks, if they insist that they have brought “just in case” money. Otherwise, I treat. Obviously, if a movie outing is intended as a birthday or other celebration, then the hosting parents should pay for everything.
If children pull out their “just in case” money for a ticket, I thank them for the thought and tell them that they are my guests.
Dinner is another matter. Your son’s friend’s parents basically refused your gift, and that isn’t gracious. I’m sure they meant well, but they can “repay” you by offering a reciprocal invitation at another time.
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Dear Amy: I am responding to the letter from “Chris,” who was worried that his babysitter might be bulimic.
When I was a young teenager, I babysat a lot, and I ate a lot of junk food that I found at the homes of the people I was sitting for. I think it was partly because I was having trouble going through puberty, and I just wanted to binge until I felt sick.
One of the moms told my mother, and my mother talked with me about it.
Knowing that it was out in the open really embarrassed me, and I stopped doing it. I assume the young woman referred to in the letter is older, but for me at that age, it was feeling a lack of control over my life, among other things. I think it could help for her to know that someone is concerned about her.
– Julie
Dear Julie: Thank you so much for sharing your story and letting people know how much it can mean when people thoughtfully intervene when they are worried by someone else’s behavior.
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