Q: Dear Scott – I have a problem I hope you can help me with… I am a single mom of two children. Unfortunately, things got bad last year, and the kids had to go live with my mom until I could get back on my feet. I haven’t dated in 2 years, so that I could give myself time to get my head straight, and to make myself a better person, before I involved someone else in my mess.
My best friend in the world for those two years has been a male. He has been there for me through thick and thin, he knows all of my issues, problems, joys, and sorrows. But, he is only my friend. About a month ago, I decided to “test the waters” and went out on a really nice date. That night, he told me he was in love with me, that he had basically waited for me for two years, and that he had assumed that when I was ready to start dating again, that we would be together.
I have told him in no uncertain terms that I did not feel the same way, that we could never be together like that, that as much as I value his friendship, that’s all it could ever be.
Here’s where the problem really comes in…we live together. After the kids left, and I lost our place, I moved in with him. We are supposed to be moving into a house, as roommates but with his current emotions, I don’t know if it’s such a good idea. I mean, we are good as roommates, there has never been any issues there. I don’t want to lose my best friend, but I also don’t want him to keep holding on to me when he may just be overlooking the girls that are perfect for him.
What do I do?
SCOTT: You already did it, mostly anyway. You told him where you stand and your intentions. Now, if you can communicate about that, you can talk your friendship, right?
Tell him how much you value him and that while you don’t have intimate feelings for him, he’s your best friend and you don’t want that to change. His ability to deal with keeping your relationship platonic will determine almost completely the outcome.
Talk to him first, before you move into the new house and make sure he respects your position. You’re two good friends who’ve managed so far to make it work as roommates and that ain’t easy! But as long as it’s good enough for him, you can move in, move on and avoid future misunderstandings.