We’ve got a new sub-genre of martial arts movies, so consider this an open call for naming rights.
What do you dub the generation of chopsticks-and-neck-chops films currently flowing out of Thailand?
From China and Japan, we had Chopsocky. So what now? Satay-socky? A Thousand and One Leg Sweeps?
“The Protector” is the latest kick-shtick from director Prachya Pinkaew and athlete Tony Jaa, who first knocked fans in the head with “Ong-Bak: Thai Warrior.” Jaa is energetic and inventive as he climbs walls and performs backflips; Pinkaew directs like a video game creator, and together the two of them couldn’t care less about plot.
For if they did, we wouldn’t end up with these unintentionally hilarious developments in “The Protector”: The royal elephants must be preserved. An ancient band of highly trained warriors kept them safe for the king. Cut to modern times, boy loses treasured pachyderm. Must leg-whip 10,000 sneering men with bad haircuts in order to solve crime.
Leading to dialogue treasures like these: “That scum was up to no good. You can be sure of it.”
Or, “Look at you! You’re a woman!”
Or, “You killed my father! And stole my elephant!”
Say no more, Grasshopper. Eye-gouge anyone in your path, but remember the ancient wisdom: The deviant mind responds best to blunt-force trauma.
“The Protector” features many firsts, including a one-take steadicam shot of Jaa fighting his way up five floors filled with pimps, thugs, prostitutes and breakaway balcony railings. Some of the firsts seem invented by Mike Myers for his next Austin Powers movie – “The Protector” may be the one and only movie to feature a villain riding into a hot tub orgy on a Segway.
Logic is irrelevant, and in fact, detrimental, when watching this kind of kickboxing spectacle. Apparently young Kham’s humble jungle upbringing was perfect training for him to triumph in both a helicopter death match and a leg-sweep fight in a burning Buddhist temple as the fire sprinklers go off.
And Kham’s audacity is refreshing. Though the entire Sydney police force is looking for a boy with a red scarf and, oh yeah, an elephant, Kham, his red scarf and the elephant saunter toward the city center undetected. The Asian man is a wily adversary, indeed!
I would say “The Protector” is perfectly tuned to the hormone-addled brain of a 13-year-old boy, if it wasn’t for the R rating and some gratuitous stripper moves. Perhaps it’s perfectly tuned for the 19-year-old cousin who is old enough to buy tickets for that same 13-year-old. They can enjoy it together, and pick up some tips for when the video game comes out.
“The Protector”
R for violence, sexual content and language|1 hour, 35 minutes|MARTIAL ARTS|Directed by Prachya Pinkaew; written by Kongdej Jaturanrasmee, Piyaros Thongdee and Joe Wannapin; starring Tony Jaa.|Opens today at area theaters.
