There's no getting around it. I could never be one of those road-warrior working moms who supervises homework by videophone from Bangkok. Nor could I wear a watch with settings to remind me when the kids are going to sleep in the time zone back home. I miss my kids too much, I'm too much of a worrywart to delegate, and I'm not smart enough about technology to be a virtual parent. I don't even have a cell phone.
Last week I was away from the kids for three days at a conference in Texas. I missed the first PTA meeting of the high school where my son just started, and I found out at midnight on the phone with my husband that neither of the boys completed their reading assignments for the next day. At least when I'm home I can nag them about their homework — even if I am not always successful at getting them to do it.
I also wasn't at my desk to get the daily 3:01 p.m. call from my younger son after he gets out of school, and I wasn't there to remind him to walk Buddy, the dog. Poor Buddy, she probably missed me more than anyone!
Then there's the whole issue of food. I wasn't home to make dinner. That's good and bad. Good for me, because as much as I feel it's important for us to try to have dinner together, and as hard as I try to actually make something nutritious each night, I actually hate having to walk through the door after a long day at the office and immediately put on the chef's hat.
My husband's solution, when I'm away, is simple: Takeout, takeout, takeout. But I've learned not to ask too many questions, because it just makes me crazy to find out that they drank gallons of soda in my absence, or went to McDonald's twice, or had pizza every night. Whatever salad fixings and fruit were in the house when I left are always untouched when I get home.
But there is one aspect to traveling without my family that I have to admit loving, and that's having a hotel room all to myself. I love taking a bath without having a kid banging on the door, saying that it's an emergency, he's got to go! I love not having to share that big, delicious bed with anyone, and I love watching CNN for a few minutes, then turning the TV off and enjoying the quiet.
In contrast, when I travel with my family and the four of us crush into one small hotel room with two beds, all 18 towels will be dirty and wet on the floor within a few minutes of our arrival. There's never enough shampoo to go around, and there are always crumbs in the beds by bedtime. My husband wants to watch sports, my older son wants his MTV, and the younger one wants Disney, so there's always a fight over the television, followed by a fight over pillows, as there are never enough for two per person.
Then we all have to go down to the pool, because the kids insist on swimming even when it's way too cold to be riding in a hotel elevator in your bathing suit and flip-flops. And on more than one occasion we've had to call housekeeping for things like help in cleaning up after a kid who started throwing up for no apparent reason.
So there's a part of me, when I'm traveling on business, that looks around my silent, pristine hotel room and feels contentment.
But there's another part of me that feels lonely, and that can't stop worrying whether the homework is getting done back home.
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This week's advice: If you're away from your family on business, make arrangements to be in touch by phone or email daily. And tell the kids in advance that you'll want to hear about their homework each night, and that you expect it to be done in your absence.
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