Dear Amy: I am a single mom of two small children, one an infant. A few months after I had my baby, my employer cut back on employee wages.
I had no choice but to quit because I didn’t make enough money to pay for child care and gas. Shortly after, my ex was ordered to pay child support, but the amount he had to pay was based on the income from the job I no longer had.
When I contacted the agency to inform them of my unemployment, I was told that my ex would have to pay more if they recalculated the support payment.
In hopes of finding another job, I told them to leave things as they were.
Now, almost a year later, I have had no luck finding work.
I am really struggling financially at this point.
My question is, would it be wrong or selfish of me to have the child support recalculated?
– Unsure
Dear Unsure: As the primary steady, ready and reliable parent in your children’s lives, it falls to you to make sure that you can provide the best possible environment for them. That means that you will either have to find a job to support your household or petition the court for an increase in support from your ex. (You may have to do both.)
It is not wrong or selfish for you to accept an appropriate amount of child support. It means that you are trying to make ends meet, and that is what good parents do.
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Dear Amy: I just read the letter from “Adopted Mom,” who was afraid to tell her daughters that she was adopted.
While your response was correct, I think you missed an opportunity to educate many people to the fact that adoption is nothing to be ashamed of. Adoption is simply another way to build a family.
I placed my baby up for adoption more than 30 years ago when such things were kept secret. As a result, I have never been able to find out anything about the child.
I am also the proud mother of a beautiful daughter whom my husband and I adopted 13 years ago.
Not only did I meet my daughter’s birth mother, but I vowed to stay in touch with this wonderful woman who gave us such a gift.
My daughter has known she was adopted for as long as she can remember, and although her birth mom lives several thousand miles away, we still exchange pictures, gifts and genetic information.
We have also visited her birth mom and hope that she and her family will be visiting us soon. My daughter’s birth mom and her family are part of our family.
– Birth Mom/Adoptive Mom
Dear Mom: This is a beautiful testimony to how well open adoption can work. Adopted children should grow up as your daughter is – knowing from a very early age that she is adopted, loved and valued by all of her family.
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Dear Amy: I have found your tolerance of piercings and body art disappointing.
Most major companies will not hire visibly tattooed or pierced job applicants. The policy is probably because they question the stability, maturity and reliability of people who would voluntarily disfigure themselves in the name of fashion.
Most young people usually regret this disfigurement when job-seeking time rolls around.
– Bob D
Dear Bob: I don’t know if most young people come to regret their tattoos, but you are right to say that many employers do not want to hire people with visible piercings and body art.
If the vogue for body art doesn’t abate soon, then as the generation turns over, some of the people doing the hiring will be “inked,” removing this as a negative consequence.
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