Q: I have a niece and nephew, ages 4 and 6, respectively. They love each other and always get along and play well together. What bothers me is how they touch and grab each other.
Their bodies are in constant contact, in every way you can possibly imagine. They wrestle, roughhouse and tumble around, often landing on top of each other. If I detailed some of the positions I’ve seen them in, you wouldn’t be able to print it.
My sister-in-law and her husband just let the kids go, and nothing seems to bother them. Am I just old-fashioned, or is this type of contact between siblings inappropriate?
Danny: Old-fashioned? Nah. Skewed perspective? Possibly.
There is certainly the potential for inappropriate situations when you’ve got a boy and a girl playing together, but come on, these kids are 4 and 6! I have seven nieces and nephews and grew up with a brother and two sisters; playtime for all of us was more “lucha libre” and less adult film.
Living in an oversexed society may have influenced this distortion of innocent child’s play. Blame the media, the Internet, MTV or the WWF, for that matter.
The time and place will come for the parents, or the kids themselves, to decide when the free-for-all must end. Until then, keep one eye open and both hands off.
Catherine: Your “sobrinos”‘ playtime is completely normal. Children are curiously exploring their world. Many kids ask bluntly about body parts or touch them without any idea that it is taboo or inappropriate.
It is, however, the parents’ responsibility to talk to children openly about their bodies and instruct them in appropriate ways of physical contact.
So take a deep breath and relax. Kids are just curious. If you see anything that truly alarms you in the future, talk to their parents and let them guide their children.
Lily: My two boys (who are 22 months apart) roughhouse all the time, with the older one constantly climbing over and tumbling into the almost 1-year-old.
While they both get a kick out of it, my concern is always that they be careful not to hurt themselves. It had never crossed my mind to see their play as anything other than child’s play.
Try not to superimpose your ideas of “inappropriate” contact onto your niece and nephew. Rough play or seemingly suggestive movements don’t mean sexual acts to them; they mean play. Kids do need boundaries, but more to help protect themselves from bodily harm.
Glossary
– lucha libre: freestyle Mexican wrestling
– sobrinos: “sobrino” means nephew and “sobrina” means niece; “sobrinos” is used to refer to both nieces and nephews.
Consejos is a bilingual advice column focused on relationships, culture and identity. E-mail your questions or comments to consejos@dallasnews.com. Or send your letters to Consejos, care of Texas Living, The Dallas Morning News, 508 Young St., Dallas, TX 75202.
