Dear Amy: I am a 25-year-old single female. My father and stepmother have been married for 17 years. Recently, my stepmother’s cousin moved back to town after being gone for a while. I have seen him a few times and am starting to have feelings for him.
He is 40. The few times that we have talked, he has made comments of having feelings for me. My question is, would people call this incest, or is it OK to ask him to go out?
– Need Help in the Midwest
Dear Need Help: You aren’t related to your stepmother’s cousin – even by a whisker. So if people called your relationship “incest,” then they would be wildly wrong.
People might question the wisdom of your dating your stepmother’s cousin, who happens to be 15 years your senior, but, fortunately, that wasn’t your question.
…
Dear Amy: I am a college graduate and hardworking mother who is married to a hardworking man. We have a 2-year-old son and another on the way.
Because my husband and I both work, my mother watches our son and will watch our newborn. We pay her what we would pay a day-care provider. To most, this sounds like a wonderful arrangement. However, it is anything but.
My mother ignores any and all of my requests as to how my son’s routines should go. She also states her opposing opinion on everything – whether she is asked or not, even though some of her actions are irresponsible.
She seems to miss the fact that these are my children – not hers. She has, on several occasions, and without first asking my permission, taken my son out of town and insisted on keeping him. She acts like she is doing us a tremendous favor, when she is actually making it more difficult for us to raise our son the way we would like to. I have let her know that she is overstepping her boundaries, but she continues doing these things anyway.
Should I go with my gut and begin sending my son to a friend who does day care, or should I accept her ways and just let things be?
– Confused Mom
Dear Confused: Even if your mother babysat for free, her level of care is substandard, and that should be your first concern.
You have called your mother disrespectful and irresponsible. What more evidence do you need that she isn’t the right person to take care of your children? It’s time to “fire” her – gently, of course. (After all, she remains your mother and your children’s grandmother, even after she ceases to be their babysitter.) Even after she is no longer a paid provider, you and your husband must insist that she respect your guidelines. She should never take your children anywhere without your permission, for instance – that is frightening.
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Dear Amy: When he was only 7 months old, my son inadvertently came up with a perfect solution to the problem of pet owners “pottying” their dogs and not cleaning up after them.
He was holding my mother’s car keys and set off the theft alarm just as the neighborhood’s worst offender came along to toilet his dog.
The timing was perfect – the man and his dog bolted, and now they walk swiftly past her yard every time.
-Finally, a Clean Yard
Dear Finally: “And a little child shall lead them.”
Well done!
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