Q: I have been planning my wedding for three months. It was going to be a small event, but it has now turned into a huge deal. Many of my close friends and family members volunteered to be a “padrino” (sponsor), to help us pay for it.
Well, out of the 20 who told us they would help out, only three have come through. And this doesn’t include the fact that my mom and I are paying for the reception!
We have mentioned that the bill is due and have been blown off or ignored. My fiancé said to just blow them off, not worry about the money and not invite them to the reception. I can’t sleep at night and am scared this will put us into more debt at the end. Help!
Danny: They all meant well, “pero que esperas?” Their pledge is much more of an emotional response than a contractual commitment. Besides, the “boda” mentality dictated by culture, religion and tradition is way out of control and blown further out of proportion.
What on earth do thousands of dollars in wedding expenses have to do with a lifelong commitment to honor, cherish and obey? Celebrate the sacrament, not the spectacle. You can’t hold these folks’ feet to the fire on this. I hear where your fiancé is coming from, but not inviting the padrinos would be tactless revenge.
Personally, I would return everyone’s money, cancel the plans, and use what I had left on a trip to Vegas. If you’re still together in 10 years, then throw down some cash for the anniversary celebration.
Catherine: Take this financial crisis as your cue to return to the basics. Instead of trying to impress your wedding guests, focus on using your engagement time to prepare for your future with your fiancé. Go on fun dates. Take a few premarital classes. Talk about your future and have fun dreaming.
When it comes to the actual wedding, think about planning a ceremony where the focal point is the commitment you make to each other, not the expanse of the buffet table.
Thank your friends and family for their good intentions, and let them know that you are inviting them to an intimate wedding. Plan an event that you can afford and that you will always remember as the day you pledged your life to the man you love.
Lily: Catherine’s right. What you should do is have the wedding YOU can afford, “sin la ayuda de los padrinos.”
GLOSSARY
– ¿pero que esperas?: but what are you waiting for?
– boda: wedding
– sin la ayuda de los padrinos: without the help of your sponsors
– tíos, tías: uncles, aunts
Consejos is a bilingual advice column focused on relationships, culture and identity. E-mail your questions or comments to consejos@dallasnews.com. Or send your letters to Consejos, care of Texas Living, The Dallas Morning News, 508 Young St., Dallas, TX 75202.
