Dear Amy: Recently, after feeling very sad and alone for about a month, I decided to do something about it. I decided to just change my attitude and be happy no matter what.
I told a few close friends that I had been thinking about suicide and was still depressed. Some of them proceeded to inform the resident assistant in my dorm and my resident director at school.
Because of this, my parents were somehow informed of my sadness and thoughts of suicide a week after I had already changed my attitude and felt happy. They were very upset and crying, and I feel horrible that they found this out.
I don’t know who told my parents, but is there anything I can tell them to make it better? I really am feeling happy and have been happy for a little while now.
I don’t think about suicide, and I didn’t have a plan for suicide, but now that my parents were told these things I’m concerned that they will think things are much worse than they actually are.
– Happy, Once and For All
Dear Happy: Thoughts of and talking about suicide are not to be taken lightly, and as far as I can tell, everyone has reacted appropriately so far.
Your friends, family and college staffers are taking you seriously enough to listen and react to your pain. That is very good and is a function of how much people care about you.
Please go to the counseling center at your school right away and find a counselor to talk to on a regular schedule.
Depression is a disease and, if you have it, you should be monitored, just to make sure that you are healthy and doing well. Your parents should be part of this ongoing effort. Don’t worry about your folks – they’ll be fine as long as you are healthy. Please let the people in your life help you – even if you don’t think that you need it right now.
. . .
Dear Amy: This is regarding the ongoing debate between what “housework” men and women do in the home.
In defense of some of the dads and sons who are accused of not helping around the house, some are not “invited” to help or are actively discouraged.
In my house, I was berated for not washing dishes “the right way” and was ushered out of the kitchen. My method is no less thorough.
One weekend morning when my almost teenage boys awoke before their mother and asked me, “What’s for breakfast?” I asked them what they wanted. They wanted French toast, so we got out a cookbook and figured out how to make it.
The boys were done cooking their last batch of French toast when their mother entered the kitchen, belittling the boys (and me) for using a cookbook for preparing so simple a dish.
My wife tells people that she is the person who does all of the cooking and cleaning, and gives us no incentive to change that.
My sons and I feel like we can’t win.
– Dad in Dubin, Calif.
Dear Dad: I’ve tried to present what I imagine is the male point of view on this topic, and I have been slammed by many female readers who tell me that I “just don’t get it.” I realize that women continue to do the great majority of household chores, but until we learn to turn some of this work over to men and perhaps accept an alternative standard, then our husbands and sons are never going to feel comfortable and competent.
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