Dear Amy: My soon-to-be second husband was a popular local musician in the ’70s and ’80s. He put all of his popular music onto two CDs, has a website and sells a few CDs online.
He has a page on MySpace.com, and although he doesn’t chat with anyone, his 21-year-old son and some of his college friends have been added to his “space.” Also, there are some other girls who he said had just asked to be added to his space, and he doesn’t know who they are.
He considers this being “out there,” and I consider it ridiculous for an almost-60-year-old man to have a page on MySpace.com, even though he did have a following back in the day.
I think it’s inappropriate, as some of his “friends” are college girls. I know if I had a MySpace page with boys on it, he would be none too thrilled.
So my question is this: Because MySpace started as a music website, do you think this is just plain silly? Or should I just butt out? He is a very good guy, not a worm, and we have a solid trust between us. This is not about cheating.
He reads your column every day, so I’m hoping he will see this.
– Roberta
Dear Roberta: My question isn’t why a 60-year-old musician has a page on MySpace.com, but why don’t you? MySpace (and other networking sites) are the ideal places for creative people such as your fiancé to get and stay “out there.” If your guy still performed publicly, would you object to his son and college friends (male and female) attending a live show? Because that’s basically what they are doing – in cyberspace. When they register as “friends,” they are saying that they have visited the site and are interested in his work.
Don’t butt out. Get involved. Rock on!
…
Dear Amy: As Thanksgiving approaches, I think of divorced friends who refuse to attend any family celebration that their ex is also attending.
It is like the old expression, “cutting off your nose to spite your face.” It’s like trying to get even by hurting yourself.
My ex-wife will be staying with my wife and me for four days, on a bed if it is available, and a couch if not.
I have been called a fool and a saint. Actually, I am not willing to spend half as much time with my daughters and their families so that they can be with their mother alone.
We have a wonderful, noisy time.
My wife is wonderful with this arrangement, my kids love it, and my ex may think that she made a mistake.
– Selfish
Dear Selfish: Without question, amicable relationships between exes are best for everyone – especially the kids. Your letter proves that families come in all sizes, shapes and configurations.
I urge you not to judge families that can’t pull off your version of how a happy ex-family should work however. It’s simply not possible or advisable for some exes to maintain that sort of proximity.
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