Saturday morning burned bright with promise. While the kids were off with friends, my husband, Dan, and I planned to touch up the basement paint, then grab a movie.
We painted the basement three months ago. But now dings, drywall patches, stain drips and scuff marks from where three workers got into a brawl over missing tools, marred the walls.
“If you find the paint,” Dan offered, “I’ll touch up.”
That was the catch. Finding paint would be simple in a normal home. Not at our house, where we have a representative can of every paint we ever used or considered. These cans invited neighbor paint cans over and procreated, which is how the Cannes Film Festival got started.
Our collection also grew because before I can decide on a paint color, I buy six or seven quarts in similar shades and test them. Dan keeps all the cans – winners and rejects. The Great Depression ended in the 1930s but my husband is convinced we might need all of that paint some day, along with every pair of tennis shoes he ever owned.
Plus, you can’t just toss cans of toxic waste when you feel like it. Why? It must be because if too many people toss paint cans in the trash, kids and garbage collectors will start hanging around landfills to sniff the stuff. You can only legally dump paint in designated places on designated dumping days.
Those occur when a blue moon lands on Friday the 13th.
I pulled together some 30 paint cans. Somewhere among them were the five colors we used in the basement: one deep red, one khaki, and three shades of caramel sand. My job, if I ever wanted to get to the movies, was to find them. I started with the reds and spot-tested.
“What are you doing?” Dan asked when he saw the red splotches on the wall.
“Finding the color.”
“You didn’t keep track?”
“Did you?”
“You picked the paint,” he said.
“You did the painting.”
“I didn’t throw away any cans.”
“That’s obvious,” I said waving at the can collection. “I only threw away the empty ones.”
“You didn’t save the lids?”
“Only you would keep paint can lids.”
“You remember every shade of lipstick you’ve ever worn, and can’t remember what’s on our walls?”
I scanned the names on the red paint cans: Mayan, Calypso, Paprika, Nobleman. I hadn’t a clue. We stared at the drying paint. The wall looked as if it has measles. Finally, Dan scrounged up a piece of masking tape left over from where we taped off the trim. It had a grape-sized blob of paint on it. He took that to The Home Depot, where the top diagnostician, using the same laser technology they use to treat coronary artery plaque, determined the exact shade: Ralph Lauren Nobleman.
Meanwhile, I stayed home spot-testing for the other four shades. So much for the movies. By the time Dan returned, the walls didn’t just need a touch-up, they needed a dermatologist.
Dan handed me a book. “The lady said you needed it.”
“A paint journal for idiots? Did you tell her I haven’t put my kids’ photos in an album since 1995?”
“I told her you needed help remembering what paint you used where.”
“I need help?”
The Home Depot-published book, “Color Solutions Journal: Ultimate Paint Project Organizer,” has color-selection advice and nifty plastic sleeves for storing swatches of paint. (That also might be a place where someone like me can keep the family’s passports, birth certificates and blood types.) It also has stickers for dummies that say “Dining Room” and “Kitchen.” I grabbed the “Master” sticker and tacked it to my forehead.
We had touched up one room when the kids came home at sunset: “What movie did you see?”
I looked at Dan. “This year’s Cannes winner.”
Marni Jameson is a nationally syndicated columnist who lives in the Denver area. You may contact her through marnijameson.com.
Touching up like a pro
Kathy Henry is the spokeswoman for Glidden Paint in Cleveland. She offered these touch-up tips:
Write it down. You don’t need a fancy notebook like I now have. A notebook with paper and a plastic zipper pencil pouch for swatches will do. Note the color and the finish – matte, low-sheen or gloss. Henry writes the room where the paint was used right on the can.
Ask for an extra formula label when you buy paint. One always goes on the can lid, often with a dab of the paint. The other you can stick in your notebook with the swatch.
Use the same application method. If you rolled on the paint originally, roll on the touch-up. If you brushed it on, brush again. Otherwise the paint’s texture will look different. Note: Matte touches up best. Gloss and semi-gloss paints are less forgiving.
Use a primer first if touching up over a smoke or water stain, or fresh drywall.
Be green. Buy only as much paint as you need, and keep painting until all the paint is gone, so you won’t have to store or dump. Dispose responsibly. For more information on disposing of hazardous waste, including paint, visit earth911.org.
