Dear Amy: I’m getting married in May.
A couple of months after I got engaged, my dad asked to be my best man. I told him that I had already chosen my half of the bridal party before I proposed to my fiancée. In truth, I don’t want to be forced to accommodate him when this important day belongs to my fiancée and me.
He has tried to coerce me into letting him stand next to me. To make me feel guilty, he has brought up all of the things that he did as a parent. He’s threatened to divorce my mom over this, and he said he wouldn’t attend the wedding. Recently, he said that he wished he were dead, in part because of this. How do I keep from feeling guilty and salvage my relationship with my dad?
– Offended Offspring
Dear Offended: Maybe you should worry less about how to keep from feeling guilty and worry a little more about your father, who seems to be unhinged. When someone says that he wishes he were dead, you should consider it a very alarming shout for help.
Please enlist your mother’s assistance to get some help for him. His physician should give him a thorough checkup and refer him to a mental-health professional. It is a shame that you have to deal with this at the same time you are trying to plan your wedding but you should also try to get him some help.
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Dear Amy: My boyfriend and I recently had our one-year anniversary. I love him to pieces, and we’re seriously talking about marriage.
For our anniversary date, we went out to dinner, exchanged gifts and had a great time. Here’s the catch: My guy only bought a stuffed animal for me! I greatly appreciate his gesture and I love the little thing, but is it wrong for me to expect more? Is this normal, or should I just get over it? Should I bring up my feelings with him, and, if so, how should I go about it?
– Confused in Colorado
Dear Confused: While you are being both materialistic and superficial, you are also onto something.
Instead of getting your boyfriend to be more extravagant with you, you should be less extravagant with him. An engraved watch for a year’s anniversary of dating might be too much for him.
Aren’t you a little embarrassed to be comparison shopping in this way? Life with a partner adds up to so much more than what can be tallied on a cash register’s receipt.
On the other hand, because you have started the comparison shopping, you should go ahead and finish it. Talk about this. You might learn that your guy would love it if you took him out now and then, and that he’d rather have a Beanie Baby than an engraved watch.
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