Dear Amy: I am a 24-year-old deaf man. My deaf friends and I eat out frequently.
We use sign language to communicate. This is when problems arise.
Inevitably, people at other tables, no matter what their age, will start staring and leering at us. We realize that sign language isn’t something most hearing people encounter every day, and we are more than happy to answer questions about our language, lives and culture – if people ask us. But by leering at us, they make us feel uncomfortable and embarrassed over the equivalent of having a conversation with our friends.
This happens in a variety of public places, including churches, stores and just about anywhere we go. I wonder how hearing people would feel if the deaf leered at their lips while they were speaking? Please, if you are curious about this, simply satisfy your curiosity by asking.
Most deaf people do know how to lip-read and have some command of speech.
We are more than happy to help others learn more about our language and culture.
– Deaf in Boston
Dear Boston: Even though I appreciate your offer of tolerance and understanding toward leering hearing people, let’s not kid ourselves.
I can imagine your not exactly welcoming a hearing person interrupting an engaging conversation to ask you all sorts of questions about your language and culture. You and your friends have a right to a measure of privacy.
When you notice people staring at you (I hope that you don’t really believe that people are leering at you), you might want to shoot them a very simple and hearty “howdy” wave, just to let them know that you notice that they are staring. I assume that this would cause most people to snap out of it and go about their business. Or you and your friends could get together and sign in unison, “You complete me,” from the movie, “Jerry Maguire.” (Fans of the movie love the scene where Renee Zellweger translates sign language for Tom Cruise.)
You will always have the upper hand here. You have fluency in two languages. You can freely discuss leering onlookers using sign language and there is a fair chance that they will never know.
…
Dear Amy: I live in Kentucky, and very much to my surprise my fifth-grader came home from school with a Gideon Bible with his name written in it.
I asked where he got it and was told that a man came to school and gave them out to everyone.
I consider myself a Christian (not far right), but I was appalled that any one group is allowed to distribute these in a public school.
Someone not only distributed them but also had my son sign his name inside.
I don’t find any of this appropriate.
– Shocked
Dear Shocked: I share your reaction to this. Unless the Bible was sent home with your son as part of a classroom lesson in Judeo-Christian theology, then you have to wonder why your school is distributing it to students. But this incident provides a wonderful opportunity for you to explain the separation of church and state to your fifth-grader. After you do that, then perhaps you should explain this concept to your local school board.
Because this public school seems to take religious education seriously, presumably they have also invited an Islamic cleric to distribute the Koran to these children. If not, then perhaps you should suggest it.
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