Dear Amy: I have recently met a man who is Mr. Right in virtually every respect. He is smart, funny and attractive. He thinks I am wonderful.
The only problem is that he wears a very bad toupee. I’m not against fake hair entirely, but when it looks like a dead cat, it does nothing to enhance the appearance of the wearer.
I would like to suggest that he dispense with it entirely. I think he would be even more attractive if he would just shed the bad hair.
What is the best approach? I would stay with him to the bitter end even if he decided to keep the bad hairpiece, but I think it would be better all around if he turned it in for the Bruce Willis look.
– Perplexed Girlfriend
Dear Perplexed: You should choose an intimate moment where you’re together, but not necessarily staring eye to eye.
You should say something like, “First I want to say that I adore you, just as you are. But I wonder if you’d be willing to go for that sexy, gorgeous, grown-man Bruce Willis/Montel Williams look that I love so much? ”
You won’t get an answer from him right away. My (admittedly limited) experience with men who wear toupees is they think that others don’t notice their hairpieces because they believe their toupees make them look like themselves. (They think their baldness makes them look like their Uncle Manny.) Give your guy some time to ponder your request and get it together to have his toupee removed. If he doesn’t do so, you could mention it one more time, and then you should drop it and stay true to your word to love him just as he is.
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Dear Amy: The latest conventional wisdom seems to be that after an affair, in order to repair the marriage, the “guilty” party should show his or her trustworthiness by being completely open, almost to the point of transparency.
I do not agree with that at all! My husband and I spent the last year and a half recovering from the start of my emotional affair; I ended it on my own.
Even during the initial discovery by my husband, my e-mails and conversations were, and still are, private.
You shouldn’t have to live in a police state in your own home. And where does it end? We have been making good progress with the help of therapy, communication and vacations. But my e-mails are off-limits to him, just as his are to me.
All of you amateur detectives out there need to call off the search parties. Find a way to rebuild your relationship that does not involve the equivalent of the Vulcan mind meld.
– Been There in Boston
Dear Been There: I agree completely. Sophisticated people should find ways other than snooping and Vulcan mind melds to repair a broken trust.
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