Dear Amy: My wife’s niece is getting married soon. She has been living with her boyfriend for more than a year. She spent $400 to buy a white wedding gown.
My question is: Is this morally right? I thought that white meant virginity.
Is this a fad or do lots of people do this? Isn’t she breaking the sacred vows of marriage by getting married in white? I told my wife that this is a farce. Who is right?
– Perplexed in Denver
Dear Perplexed: Brides the world over seem to want to be married in white dresses, virgins or not, and it has become an accepted practice.
However, I gather that you don’t definitively know that your wife’s niece is not a virgin, and polite people don’t speculate about such things, no matter the cohabitation arrangement.
Polite people give brides the benefit of the doubt. (Curiously, you don’t seem to have similar concerns about the morality or virginity of the prospective groom.) Your wife’s niece is not breaking the sacred vows of marriage by getting married in white, in part because the marriage vows don’t have anything to do with the bride’s (or groom’s) outfit at the wedding, and also because one needs to be married to break vows.
There will be plenty of time for that later, but you need to let the couple at least leave the church before worrying about the sanctity of their union.
You seem to feel very strongly about this, and if you truly feel that this wedding is a farce, then it might be best if you stayed home that day.
…
Dear Amy: I have some middle-age family members who for the past couple of years have been chasing around a tribute band, attending one, two, sometimes as many as four performances a week – every week.
They are acting like a bunch of teenage groupies. It has become almost comical, especially as they attempt to stuff their size-22 bodies into size-9 outfits.
After witnessing this from the sidelines for a few years, I have come to sort of grin and try to bear it. Until today.
Several months ago, my niece was married in a rushed civil ceremony, and she informed the family that a small reception would be held at a later date. A date was set a month in advance, and we were all notified about it.
Fast forward to today, when I found out that these certain family members informed my niece that they will not be attending her reception because of a previous engagement, and you can guess what that is all about.
They have attended more than 100 of this band’s gigs, even as far away as Las Vegas, but they refuse to miss just one show to celebrate our niece’s marriage with the rest of the family. She is trying to be nonchalant about it, acting as if it’s OK, but I know her well enough to see that she is a little hurt.
I’m wondering, Why do middle-age people behave as if they are 30 years younger than they are – almost to the point of embarrassment, and why am I now letting their behavior bother me so much?
– Wondering
Dear Wondering: Middle-age people make fools of themselves – because they can. Mainly, this type of tomfoolery is a victimless crime. It may bother you so much because these people are having fun and ditching the constraints involved in being a “grown-up” with little consequence (other than the snickering of onlookers).
Unfortunately in your family’s case, these tribute-band groupies are demonstrating that their pursuits are more interesting and important than a landmark life event. Let’s just hope these folks don’t one day need someone younger and stronger to fold and stow their walkers for them and drive them to the band’s next gig.
