I know you’re confused.
This NFL thing can be bewildering.
And today is New Year’s Eve, and you have enough to worry about with those reflections and resolutions.
That’s why I came back, to guide you out of the chaotic morass of perplexity.
I’m not going to tell you what will happen today and through the playoffs to The Ultimate Game (you do know the one I’m talking about.)
But I’m about to tell you what you want to happen and how to direct your cheers, your hopes, your prayers, your children’s college education fund.
When you wish upon a star, makes a difference who you are – a Broncos fanatical follower.
Therefore, start with the Broncos, and, of course, end with the Broncos.
Stay with me here.
Even the coaches and the players are clueless. They say: “We don’t care who we play. It doesn’t matter. We just have to take care of our business.”
Wrong, mouth breathers.
They should care who they play. It does matter. And others have to help the team take care of giving them the business.
Pull for the Broncos to beat the San Francisco 49ers. That’s a given. Wish for the Broncos to be in the playoffs as the fifth seed – and No. 1 wild-card team.
Truth is, it’s not important who the other AFC wild-card team is, so take your pick – New York Jets (the probable No. 2 W.C.), Jacksonville, Kansas City.
But not Tennessee. Yes, I will explain why.
The Jets certainly will trainwreck the woebegotten Raiders, so that’s that.
You and I and the Broncos need New England to win at Tennessee to close the regular season, eliminating the Titans and pushing the Patriots to 12-4.
So, go, Pats.
Don’t quit on me yet.
We got to have Indianapolis lose at home in the finale to Miami. I realize it won’t be easy, but we’re discussing what we are dreaming of.
By the way, we’re not dealing with the NFC until much later. This is AFC country. For the tens of thousands of Texans snowed in at Vail and Aspen for the holidays, deal with our lack of concern for your silly Cowboys. We do appreciate your dollars.
First playoff weekend what we want is Denver at Indy and Jets at New England. (The Patriots would play the No. 6 seed by virtue of a better record than the Colts (11-5 with a loss to Miami).
The Broncos cannot go to New England and win again, but they can go to the sagging, slumping Colts and win this time. Run the Bells, and pass the Cutler sauce.
And we must yearn for the Jets to upset New England. (The Jets did beat the Patriots this season.)
Don’t get ahead of me.
Jets at San Diego, Broncos at Baltimore.
We have to root for the Jets and the Broncos to prevail. The Broncos haven’t won playoff games at Indianapolis (two) or Baltimore (one) recently, and the San Diego Chargers and the Baltimore Ravens are the class of the AFC now. But Pinocchio wished that he could become a real boy, so we can wish that New York and Denver don’t play like Geppetto and J. Worthington Foulfellow.
(The Broncos did win back-to-back playoff road games in the 1997 season. The Jets edged the Chargers in a January 2005 playoff game in San Diego.)
If wishes are horses, the Broncos will ride. New York Jets vs. Broncos in Denver. The Broncos can get a home game on Jan. 21, 2007. (The next night ‘Melo and A.I. are united.)
Maybe we ought to look for a genie in a bottle.
We’ll have to make another wish – that the Broncos jettison the Jets. There could be Snowstorm of The Century III.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the world, the NFC teams are pummeling themselves. So we can cheer for Seattle, Chicago, Dallas or New Orleans. We really should wish for New Orleans because it’s such a wonderful life story, but we really must wish for Chicago because the Bears might be starting Brian Griese at quarterback by then. How’s that for a fun time in South Florida?
Finally, we can hope that at Super Bowl XLI, the Da Broncos beat Duh Bears, XLI to X.
Is the playoff picture completely clear? Any questions? I didn’t think so.
If all those wishes come true, don’t thank me. Just contribute to the fund to send me and Jiminy Cricket to the Pro Bowl in Honolulu.
Staff writer Woody Paige can be reached at 303-954-1095 or at wpaige@denverpost.com.
