NEW YORK-
When I was a child, holidays and school vacations were marked not by some plane trip to a resort, but by visits with aunts, uncles and cousins.
On those occasions, I ate food that my mother never cooked, heard stories about our family that were sometimes funny and sometimes shocking, and played with objects in other people’s houses and apartments that seemed exotic — like doilies and stacking ashtrays.
I measured my home against theirs and, depending on which aunt or uncle we were visiting, I sometimes felt that I was lucky to be better off, if we were bringing ice cream and milk because they couldn’t afford a treat like that for company. Other times I felt a pang of jealousy, wishing that I had a doggie or a backyard or a doorman or a pool table like they did.
My dad had five siblings, my mom had four. A few lived across town, and were visited every Sunday; others were concentrated in a few spots in the Northeast and mid-Atlantic and were seen a few times a year or once a summer. Between them, I had 20 first cousins.
By now of course, most of my aunts and uncles have passed away, and my cousins are scattered around the continent. I only have one sibling and my husband has two, so it’s only on rare occasions that my children spend their days off from school visiting the relatives the way I did when I was little.
Still, I have a few aging aunts whom I want my children to know, and we make a point of going to see them when we can. But then I wonder, with school starting up again this week after the Christmas break, how my little son’s story of visiting the aunt with the poodle and the chandeliers and the electric organ will compare to classmates who flew to Florida. My teenage son had a fun time with his cousin catching a midnight showing of “Dreamgirls,” but how does that measure up against the girl we know who went to Paris?
I guess if anyone asks my kids where they went over the break, they can always say that the aunt with the poodle let them sleep over at her house and took them to Dunkin’ Donuts for a late-night snack. It may not be as exciting as Disney, but it’s something their mother would never do. That alone makes it special.
As for me, I spent part of my holiday looking ahead to our summer vacation, when we actually are going to get on a plane and go somewhere — the Pacific Northwest and Alaska. And as part of my planning for that, I made sure to send an e-mail to a person who may seem like a distant relative, but whom I’m anxious to catch up with — my father’s cousin’s daughter. My kids and I have only met her a handful of times, but she lives in Portland, Ore., and we expect to pass through there some time in August. My kids may feel differently when they grow up, but for me, a vacation wouldn’t be complete without at least one visit to a relative.
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This week’s advice: Consider introducing your children to extended family as you plan your next vacation. Call in advance to ask if you can take that aunt, uncle or cousin out for brunch or dinner so that there’s no question of an imposition on them, but if you do get invited to visit them at home, go. If you’re worried that it might be awkward, bring a deck of cards for the kids to occupy themselves with, and state beforehand that your itinerary will only allow you to stay for an hour or so. You might be surprised by how memorable your visit will be.
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If you have a question, comment or a story to share, e-mail bharpaz@ap.org.
