Ten-year-old Logainne Schwartzandgrubenierre is a sweet spelling whiz whose first name does not rhyme with Rogaine and whose last name combines her two dads’ two surnames and who knows she talks too much when she gets anxious which happens all the time even though she does yoga every morning and has resolved not to make more than three New Year’s resolutions because 40 was really too many last year and, after all, the stress of trying to keep up with all 40 did land her in the hospital.
Whew!
So in 2007 little Logainne (pronounced “Logan”) has resolved to never again feed her pet hamster Barak “Nibbles” Obama packaged spinach and to pray every night that Jennifer Hudson wins an Oscar for “Dreamgirls” because “she really deserves it and, I cried during ‘I’m Telling You.’ … I’m telling you, I cried.”
But resolutions are one thing. Little Logainne has only one goal:
“Oh, I have to win,” said the youngest contestant in the history of the spelling bee. “There is no option here.”
Logainne is one of the six adorably screwed-up kids who have made “The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee” one of Broadway’s biggest surprise hits in years. On Tuesday, Denver audiences can meet them all when the national touring production stops at the Buell Theatre.
There’s Olive Ostrovsky, whose mom’s in an ashram in India and whose dad is, well, busy. There’s Chip Tolentino, distracted from his studies by a torrent of puberty. There’s super-nerd William Barfée, overachiever Marcy Park and underachiever Leaf Coneybear.
Together they tell a hilariously tender tale of six angst-ridden, quirky kids who find that the spelling bee is “the one place where they can stand out and fit in at the same time.”
The Denver Post asked each of the characters to introduce themselves, channeled by the actors who play them on stage. Think of this as taking a page from the (geographically vague) Putnam County school yearbook:
Putnam’s perspicacious, prepubescent spelling rivals
WILLIAM BARFÉE
Describe yourself: “I am a thoroughly intelligent, slightly weird, scientifically inclined genius with some health and weight issues.”
I’m least likely to … “Finish the mile in under 13 minutes.”
My adolescence summed up: “I ate a full square foot of Skittles and vomited … but I proved the human stomach cannot absorb more than 724 Skittles at one time.”
Academic triumph: “I memorized the first 33 numbers after the decimal of Pi.”
Academic humiliation: “When I burned off my eyebrows with my Bunsen burner.”
My attitude about spelling bees: “The odds prove that sooner or later, I have to win.”
Favorite word to spell: “Paramecium – a small organism that could destroy much bigger enemies.”
– Answered by actor Eric Petersen
LOGAINNE SCHWARTZANDGRUBENIERRE
Describe yourself: “I am a focused person with a lot of goals and a lot of responsibilities and I have the power to make a change in society and be a leader who can represent all sorts of cultural backgrounds because I am a half-Jewish, half-Christian, half-African-American daughter of two gay fathers. In short, I am a winner!”
I’m most likely to … “Run for president. I love freedom of speech and I exercise it every chance I get and I have strong political views and I want to change the world and everyone knows this about me.”
My adolescence summed up: “I volunteered to be hall monitor and my ‘Dan Dad’ made me a crossing-guard vest with a matching hat but no one would listen to me and I got so flustered I had to spend all of my lunch period in the nurse’s office with my inhaler.”
Academic triumph: “I am the youngest member of the debate team.”
Academic humiliation: “I got an F on a history paper I was supposed to do on Great Historical Queens because they chose RuPaul. (But my dads framed it!)”
My attitude about spelling bees: “A spelling bee is the chance to separate the losers from the winner!”
Favorite word to spell: “‘Rondelet.’ It is a French form consisting of two rhymes contained in a seven-line stanza and line one is the exact same as the third and seventh lines. I love it because there are so many rules!”
– Answered by actress Sarah Stiles
CHIP TOLENTINO
Describe yourself: “I am very cocksure of myself … most of the time. Sort of. Well, maybe not.”
I’m most likely to … “Be a major-league pitcher. Unless I become an astronaut. I pretty much will be whatever I want.”
My adolescence summed up: “When Mary Jenkins said I was cute. (She was two grades ahead of me.)”
My attitude about spelling bees: “If you can’t handle the heat, stay out of the Bee.”
My favorite word to spell: “Ignominious. I won the Bee last year with that word.”
– Answered by actor Miguel Cervantes
MARCY PARK
Describe yourself: “I speak six languages and I can say “hello” in at least seven more.”
I’m most likely to … “Succeed. Definitely.”
My adolescence summed up: “I never slept, but earned straight A’s in all my college-level courses.”
My attitude about spelling bees: “May the best speller win.”
My favorite word to spell: “Quintessence, which is originally from Medieval Latin and has been since reconstructed through Middle French and Middle English.”
– Answered by actress Katie Boren
OLIVE OSTROVSKY
Describe yourself: “I’m like the word ‘myrrh’: It sounds like a very small word, but there is a lot of unexpected stuff inside.”
I’m least likely to … “Be noticed. Some kids don’t even realize I go to school with them.”
My adolescence summed up:”I had to walk home from school because I missed the bus and my dad had to work.”
Academic humiliation: “When we had to read ‘Animal Farm’ out loud in English, and I started crying when I read the part about the horse being turned into glue. All the kids made fun of me for a week and called me ‘Glue Girl,’ but they eventually forgot.”
My attitude about spelling bees: “You can never forget about the silent letters, because they are just as important as the obvious ones.”
Favorite word to spell: “Equine, because I love horses and ponies, and if you rearrange the letters it spells ‘i queen.”‘
– Answered by actress Lauren Worsham
LEAF CONEYBEAR
Describe yourself: “I like to play spaceman in our yard, and race kitties.”
I’m most likely to … “We don’t have yearbooks at home, but sometimes mom takes Polaroids for the fridge, and then I write my name near it in magnet letters. Those are neat.”
My adolescence summed up: “My fish, Miss Andrews, had lots of tinier fishes come out of her and we got to put them in baggies.”
Academic triumph: “I bound a book made out of old newspapers and all the pages stuck, but my sister Brooke’s all fell apart.”
Academic humiliation: “When I fell asleep during Popsicle stick house finals and mine had no roof.”
My attitude about spelling bees: “Spell good!”
Favorite word to spell: Snack.
– Answered by actor Michael Zahler
Compiled by John Moore.
“The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee”
MUSICAL|National touring production|Conceived by Rebecca Feldman, music by William Finn, book by Rachel Sheinkin|Directed by James Lapine| At the Buell Theatre, Denver Performing Arts Complex, 14th and Curtis streets|THROUGH JAN. 28|Opens Tuesday, then 8 p.m. Tuesday-Friday; 2 p.m. and 8 p.m. Saturday; 2 and 7:30 p.m. Sunday|$25-$65 |866-464-2626, denvercenter.org or King Soopers stores
