The following is a transcript of Denver Post theater critic John Moore’s recent conversation with 10-year-old Logainne Schwartzandgrubenierre, as channeled through actor Sarah Stiles, who plays the fourth grader in the national touring production of “The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee.”
Logainne is the head of the fourth-grade gay-straight alliance. She has two fathers who push her to succeed and to do yoga. As you read Logainne’s comments, just imagine them being spoken really really really fast:
Post: Hello, Logainne.
Logainne: Good morning!
Post: Thanks for getting up early to talk to me.
Logainne: Oh this isn’t even as early as I usually get up. I get up and do yoga with my two dads at 6 a.m. every morning before school. And I got to stay home from school today anyway, which is really cool.
Post: Why did you get to stay home today?
Logainne: Because I had this interview, which my two dads said was very important and that they only choose a few special people to do it before each spelling bee and I was so excited that you decided to talk to me.
Post: Believe me, Logainne, it’s no big deal to get to talk to me.
Logainne: Oh, I think it’s a huge deal to talk to you!
Post: Well, thanks. Hey, I want to try to tell people here in Denver a little about your world. So can you tell me what kind of a place Putnam County is?
Logainne: Sure! Putnam County is a smaller town but it’s a great place. There are some great schools here and I go to a really nice private school and it’s really fun. There are lots of cultural options and I get to experience a lot of things. My dads like to expose me to everything that’s going on in the world so this is a great place to do it.
Post: Tell me a little about your dads.
Logainne: First is my Dan Dad. Well, he’s not FIRST. He’s ONE OF my dads
His name is Daniel Schwartz. He’s really cool. He loves to bake and he’s really into singing groups. He’s a little more wild than my other Dad Carl is. He’s the one that like every year at Halloween he makes us dress up like Destiny’s Child and he always dresses like Beyonce, of course, because that’s his favorite. He’s so into “Dreamgirls” right now. We go see it like once a week but it’s so awesome. Have you seen it?
Post: No, I have not seen “Dreamgirls” yet.
Logainne: It’s so cool. Jennifer Hudson has to win the Oscar. I pray about it every night. Actually, it’s one of my New Year’s resolutions. They are only letting me choose three New Year’s resolutions this year because last year I was sent to the hospital because I got so anxious. I had about 40 of them. But this year I only have three, and that’s the most important one.
Post: Can I ask what your three New Year’s resolutions are?
Logainne: Sure! My first one is that I am never going to feed my pet hamster Barak “Nibbles” Obama packaged spinach ever again because last year that was a really bad problem. And then also I am not going to support the movies or the television programs of racist celebrities anymore, and you know who those are, like Mel Gibson and Michael Richards. The list just keeps getting longer and longer every single second. So I’m not going to do those anymore even though I really like ‘Seinfeld.’ And then my last one like I said is that I am going to pray every night that Jennifer Hudson wins an Oscar because she really deserves it. I mean, I cried during “I’m Telling You.” I’m telling you I cried.
Post: Well, I’ll pray for her too, if it helps.
Logainne: That would totally help. I am trying to spread the word about that. But wait, I didn’t tell you about my Carl dad. His name is Carl Grubenierre and he’s really, really smart and he really tries to help me focus. He’s the one that got me into yoga. He really works on my breathing because sometimes I talk too much and I get a little bit stressed out and I kind of hyperventilate a little bit so I have to breathe. My favorite pose is the fish pose. It’s so cool. It really gets me there. I like to meditate with him. But he’s the one that really pushed me into spelling. He works with me every single night and sometimes in the morning too. Actually I started when I was a kid. I was like 5 years old when I started learning how to spell and I would learn like five words a day but now I’m up to like 20. It’s hard but it’s good.
Post: Speaking of spelling. Logainne, what’s the deal with the spelling of your name?
Logainne: Do you want to know how to spell it?
Post: I’ve seen it on paper. It looks really tough.
Logainne: It is. It’s a hard word. I think that’s why I’m such a good speller because I had to learn at a very young age how to spell that word, Schwartzandgrubenierre. And what it is is is just my two dads’ names combined.
Post: It is?
Logainne: And my birth mother Patty? I don’t see her very much. She doesn’t live with us. She lives in Missouri in a trailer park, actually. But, um, it’s OK. Sometimes she writes to me and that’s pretty cool.
Post: Now what about the spelling of your first name?
Logainne: L-O-G-A-I-N-N-E. We just wanted something different. Something special.
Post: I think Beyonce would appreciate that.
Logainne: Oh yeah, I know. She’s so cool she’s really cool.
Post: Do you ever get frustrated always having to spell your name for people who probably think it’s L-O-G-A-N?
Logainne: Well, no. I actually like that it’s different because I’m able to talk more and people can really get to know me because you know it’s not just like, “Hey, you’re Logan, la-la-la-la.” And I’m like, “No, no, no, this is how you actually spell Logainne, and you know, my dads decided to do this just because I’m special,” so I get to really talk to them and it’s pretty cool.
Post: I think I probably know the answer to this question, Logainne, but how’s puberty treating you?
Logainne: Oh well, I mean, I haven’t really gone through that yet. But I’m really looking forward to it. Actually, my dads have this woman Melinda come in once a week. She comes in and talks to me and like we hang out and I try to like experience her womanhood. Because they are both men and not being around a woman they are just like myself in that way. They don’t know anything. So she comes in and we just hang out and we do our nails and stuff which I am not a big fan of but I do it for her because I am trying to learn how to be a women. But I still have a few years. I mean, I’m only in the fourth grade, you know!
Post: Really? You see, the spelling bee officials wouldn’t tell me what grade you all are in, but I assumed you were all in junior high school.
Logainne: Well, this is the really cool thing, and this is kind of part of the reason I thought maybe you were calling to talk to me is because I heard this year I am the youngest person in the whole competition. I am actually 10 years old, and everyone else is like 12 and some people are even 14. I mean, I have kind of been competing against older spellers every year from the audience because I mean my dads bring me here every year only now I am really in it.
Post: How important is it for you to win?
Logainne: Oh, I have to win. There is no option here. But I’m pretty confident because a lot of it isn’t just about talent. It’s about how you carry yourself and you know, your confidence. My dads have taught me a lot about that and so I think I carry myself really well. My dads have a lot of different things that I can do to really get me in the mood, you know to get me there.
Post: Do you know anything about Denver, Colorado?
Logainne: Sure! I went there once with my dads because we are big ski people. We went to Winter Park which I heard has an avalanche right now which is pretty scary and is everything OK?
Post: Well, it’s going to make it tougher for people to get to the spelling bee.
Logainne: Uggh. I hope that people still come because they will really be missing out on a lot if they don’t. But I really, really loved Denver. I thought it was really super cool and I really loved that trolley thing. What is it called, the thing by the mall, and you can stop off and you can go bowling, or you can shop or you can go to the Cheesecake Factory? We love the Cheesecake Factory.
Post: That’s our 16th Street Mall Shuttle.
Logainne: Yeah, I think that’s really fun.
Post: So help people understand how important spelling is to the people of Putnam County.
Logainne: The spelling bee is like an Olympic event in Putnam County. I mean everyone turns out for it. It’s like if you were in Spain and there was a big soccer game? It would be like that. It’s very very important and only a few people get the opportunity to do this. So the people who are up there really work hard and a lot of people come. I mean you know we have like up to 3,000 people sitting and watching us every time we do the spelling bee, and they all love it.
Post: That’s kind of intimidating.
Logainne: Well, it is unless you are prepared, and all of us have to really be prepared.
Post: I think I am going to end it here, Logainne, but I hope that doesn’t mean you have to go back to school.
Logainne: Well, actually I don’t because we are all going to go see “Dreamgirls” again.
Post: So it works out perfectly.
Logainne: Yeah, so perfect. I am going to go have breakfast now.
Post: Just for you, I am going to make sure that I go see “Dreamgirls.”
Logainne: Yes! All right! And don’t forget to pray for Jennifer please! Thank you!
