If the dozens of Web postings and emails I’ve read are any indication, public opinion seems to be running 99:1 against the family that got kicked off a plane because their 3-year-old child was having a tantrum.
The child wouldn’t put her seat belt on for takeoff, so after 15 minutes, the airline required the family to disembark. Federal Aviation Administration regulations state that children over 2 sit in their own seat, and planes cannot depart until everyone has a seat belt on.
I’d love to join the masses criticizing this mom and dad for bad parenting, but all I can say is: There but for a potato chip bribe go I.
I don’t think it’s good mothering that has kept me from getting kicked off airplanes with my two boys; it’s trading candy and other treats for good behavior and paying the extra bucks to fly an airline that puts a tiny TV in front of their faces for the whole trip.
And I certainly have been in situations with my children where I wished I could disappear from view, where I was sure the world was judging me as the worst mother in America, and where I was begging my children in urgent whispers to please, please, please stop whatever they were doing so that we all didn’t end up either arrested or removed from whatever premises we were disturbing.
There was the time I stupidly took a 3-year-old to a world-famous museum because a cousin was here from out of town and wanted to go and I didn’t have a baby sitter. I’m not going to ‘fess up entirely, but let’s just say I’m pretty sure a tiny fingerprint ended up on a very famous painting before I could snatch that hand away.
There have been restaurants that I walked out of with a whining kid slung over my shoulder because sitting at the table and eating nicely had proven impossible. I’ve never left without paying the check, but I’ve left my husband sitting there by himself, surrounded by half-full plates of food. And when dining alone with the kids, I’ve thrown $20 bills down in haste so that I could make a quick exit.
I’ve dragged them shrieking out of stores and playgrounds, made abrupt exits from meetings and shows, and promised everything from money to Twizzlers if only they would please sit down and be quiet. I’ve threatened to put them in foster care and military school, and I’ve heard my name paged at book stores, clothing stores and ice rinks because I took my eye off of one or the other of them for just a moment. Oh the shame of reporting to customer services to retrieve a wide-eyed little boy who for 15 seconds actually thought his mother was gone forever.
I have to admit, it is a little hard for me to understand how two adults couldn’t just restrain this little girl and force her into her airplane seat, and it’s even harder for me to comprehend how the child’s parents can feel they were treated badly by the airline, which refunded their tickets and gave them three more roundtrip tickets to anywhere the airline flies. If this had happened to me, I would have been offering hush-money to the flight attendants in an effort to hide the whole thing from my mother-in-law.
But while I’d like to think I would have handled an air tantrum differently, far be it for me to judge this family. I do however, predict for them many more abrupt and unpleasant exits in the next few years, and I would only hope they keep this child far away from expensive works of art.
I’ll just share one more thought. One woman commenting on the tantrum incident wrote that she would gladly pay $100 extra per ticket to fly on an adult-only plane because she’s had so many flights ruined by rotten kids.
I couldn’t help but think of all the times my flights have been ruined by badly behaved grown-ups, but hey, that’s a different column.
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This week’s advice:
If you’re flying with a small child, pack a bag full of goodies – candies, toys, books, small gifts – that you can use to entertain, distract, reward and bribe. Tell the child beforehand what will be expected; explain that he or she must help the pilot get ready by putting on a seat belt just like you do in the car; and use your bag of tricks to encourage compliance. The FAA recommends that young children fly in their car seats, and some children may be more willing to buckle up in a car seat from home. A window seat may help, but you’d be wise to book a plane with personal TVs at every seat. Cartoons and kids’ movies are almost always offered. Finally, talk to your pediatrician about whether it might be appropriate to give a boisterous child a half-tablet of children’s Benadryl, especially on a long flight where a few hours of sleep could do wonders for you, your child and everyone else on board.
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If you have a question, comment or a story to share, e-mail bharpaz@ap.org.
