Dear Amy: My husband and I are questioning the old custom of parents of the bride paying for the wedding. We are paying for our second wedding as parents of brides, and we are somewhat surprised that the parents of grooms honor the custom.
To get the wedding that both couples wanted, they contributed toward their events. We, of course, significantly contributed, as well.
The new in-laws were financially able to have helped but did not.
Couples often marry later, after having established themselves professionally.
Isn’t it time to abandon dowries and the concept of the man being the sole breadwinner in this two-income society? We suggest “thirds” as more appropriate to the times.
– Cornered by Custom
Dear Cornered: I agree that it is time to abandon dowries and the concept of the man being the sole breadwinner. However, I’m not sure what that has to do with weddings.
In my view, marrying couples should take the lead in financing their weddings, raising the money through their own earnings, savings and gifts from their families. So, yes, going “thirdsies” sounds about right to me. Thirds might turn into fourths or fifths, depending on whether parents are divorced and remarried. When young people bring families together through marriage, everyone should share the joy and responsibility, depending on their circumstances.
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Dear Amy: Recently, “Neighborly” wrote asking why we are so reluctant to know our neighbors nowadays. My
theory is that people have become so busy that they often feel as if they have don’t have time to add anything else to their already complicated lives.
Hold a “neighborhood” tag sale. A note (well in advance) to each house on the street inviting them to participate could get things moving. Now is a good time to start planning this for the early spring.
This worked for me.
– S.M.
Dear S.M.: Readers responded to “Neighborly’s” plea for a relationship with her neighbors by suggesting block parties, but I believe that block parties are pretty hard to pull off. A tag sale is a great idea and a good icebreaker.
Recently, I read about a couple that started a “martini wagon” on their block. One evening every week, they wheeled their little red wagon down the street, offering martinis to anyone who wanted to join in. Not surprisingly, the event took off.
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Dear Amy: Regarding your response to the father who said his wife continually left him with his children when she went on an errand and didn’t return at her promised time – I don’t agree with your response.
If the father had a scheduled appointment or had a task/errand planned, he should make it known to his wife, and I would agree that she should make every attempt to get back on time. But I don’t agree that it’s the same as the example you gave, saying that she would certainly call a babysitter if she were running late.
Since when is being with your own children considered “babysitting”?
– Art Kawaguchi
Dear Art: Thank you for writing. You are right to take me to task for comparing a father to a babysitter. Other people wrote in with the same comment, implying that I am saying that mothers primarily take care of children while fathers “babysit.” To clarify, I tend to assume that most families consist of two working parents; that’s why everybody’s time is at a premium. When it’s so easy to be in touch, no caregiver should have to wonder whether he or she should delay dinner or hold off on an outing or nap time because someone is running late. I consider this a pretty basic courtesy.
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