Dear Amy: A few weeks ago, I was out to lunch with two friends who are members of the same organization. During our meal, one of them told me that the organization’s operations weren’t going on so well, and when I asked why, she said, very loudly and in exasperation, “Because we’ve had horrible treasurers for about three years.” At which point, a strange silence fell over our table as she remembered that our third lunch companion had been this organization’s treasurer the year before.
This previous treasurer managed to laugh it off and feign indifference, and I stayed quiet. Not knowing what to do, I suppose, our outspoken friend opted to defend her faux pas, and continued, “Well, you weren’t the best treasurer we’ve ever had, you have to admit.”
What would have been the polite way to “clean up” the shattered remnants of our lunch conversation?
– Lunching With the Ladies
Dear Lunching: The best way to handle a faux pas is to apologize immediately and throw yourself upon the mercy of your witnesses. This maneuver should take place quickly, after which everyone should be given a brief opportunity to consider the offense and – it is hoped – decide to forgive.
…
Dear Amy: I have been in a small study group at my church for about three years.
All of the people in the group have grown close. We are now friends.
I recently joined the committee that connects congregants with small groups. Generally, these people are new to the congregation. It is a growing church.
Recently, we have been pushed to invite new people into our existing small group. Well, my small group isn’t open to new members.
The leader and a few others believe it would interrupt the chemistry and intimacy of our group. I don’t feel comfortable turning away people.
What should I do?
– Church Challenged
Dear Challenged: It seems obvious that one of the first missions of a community of faith should be to be inclusive. (Imagine if your small group had been “closed” when you wanted to join.) One hazard of church committees is that they can be cliquish. This issue offers an opportunity for you and others to review and renew your mission and ministry. If your group leader remains resistant to welcoming others, then you should take this up with your pastor.
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