Dear Readers: Some time back, “Sharon” wrote in with an intriguing question. She wondered how an older woman in a committed relationship with an older man (and their contemporaries) should refer to each other. Boyfriend and girlfriend sounded juvenile, she said. I solicited suggestions from readers, and the responses poured in:
…
Dear Amy: I’m 57; he is 67. I would feel like Frau Blucher in “Young Frankenstein” if I ever uttered the phrase, “Yes, he’s my boyfriend!” Nope. I ruled out “He’s my lover,” which sounds too Bohemian and makes the kids roll their eyes. “Partner” sounds like it’s a business relationship, so I fall back on the age-old “He’s my ‘gentleman caller’ and I’m his ‘lady friend.”‘
– Jamie
…
Dear Amy: I am a 68-year-old widow who is lucky enough to have met a 74-year-old widower. We are living together. We struggle to find a descriptive word or term for our present relationship. If we are alone and referring to one another, we generally use the term “partner.”
– Puzzled in Portland
…
Dear Amy: I recently heard a co-worker refer to “the man I spend time with.” Not quite a boyfriend, I guess.
Of course, there is always “longtime companion,” but that’s usually reserved to obituaries.
– Candace
…
Dear Amy: I am a fiftysomething woman who had a wonderful romantic relationship with my husband before we were married.
We found all sorts of ways to express our relationship to others. We used, “sweetie,” “lover,” “better half,” “mate,” “significant other” and “my woman” or “my man.” There’s nothing wrong with saying “boyfriend” or “girlfriend,” though – no matter the age.
– Michelle
…
Dear Amy: At 86, I have always referred to my female special friend as my “lady friend.” She calls me her “gentleman friend.”
– Bob
…
Dear Amy: I have been with Glenn for 10 years. We have three children, and we are gay. When I speak of him, it never feels right to call him the various choices society allows us: “boyfriend,” “lover,” “partner,” “significant other.” I would like to be able to call him “my husband.” It’s not right that I can’t do that.
– Ron
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
