Dear “subjects and citizens” of a warring nation: And by that, we mean the U.S. not Sparta during the period depicted in “300.”
In the years since the mission was declared accomplished, many of you have avoided films about warfare. Even as a number of these movies resonate with our current predicament, e.g. “Jarhead.” Or like Clint Eastwood’s “Flags of Our Fathers” and “Letters From Iwo Jima,” they raise potent questions about war, nationalism and heroism.
Commanding documentaries, “War Tapes” and “The Ground Truth” connected us to the very citizens we honor in words: soldiers. (The Walter Reed debacle suggests more talking the talk.) Yet many of us didn’t see those either.
So why do we have a defeated feeling that despite this consumer indifference, there are legions of fanboys waiting to help Zack Snyder’s flashy and silly adaptation of Frank Miller’s graphic novel about Spartan King Leonidas and his legendary battle with Persian ruler Xer- xes lay siege to the box office?
“How silly?” you ask.
When a burly, black ally of Spartan politician Theron (Dominic West looking very Romulan) celebrates the councilman’s power grab, you half expect him to burst into one of Geoffrey Holder’s famous “uncola nut” laughs.
The tale begins with a narration intent on telegraphing the glory secured at the Battle of Thermopylae. It is about how “The Boy” became a warrior. Or as Gorgo (Lena Headey), the Queen of Sparta and wife of Leonidas, tells Xerxes’ unfortunate emissary: “Only Spartan women give birth to real men.”
Gerard Butler played the title character in “The Phantom of the Opera.” In spite of his physical insistence, his king’s charisma is elusive. He vigorously enunciates like a summer stock player doing Shakespeare. But the writing’s overblown. And locating the requisite sorrow in this tale of heroism is an afterthought for Snyder and Co.
There are, however, plenty of examples of, if not comedy, masculine camp.
A nubile oracle, asked by the ephors, does a dance of the veils as reimagined by the house choreographer for a strip joint. After a shimmy, she moans into one of the ephor’s ears a warning for the king not to wage war during the festival of Carneia.
The 300 men Leonidas enlists constitute his loophole.
The ephors are the grotesques who provide the last word on Sparta’s rule of law. And one of the amusing things about “300” is how good-looking Leonidas’ crew is. There is nary a fella among them who couldn’t own the cover of Men’s Health.
The Persians, on the other hand, suggest this battle took place in 480 B.D., before dentistry. After a girly show provided by Xerxes, a deformed hunchback betrays his handsome Spartan countrymen. War’s not ugly. Ugly is ugly.
Ads for “300” started appearing around the run-up to the Super Bowl. They were easy to mistake for those Marine Corps commercials that start with an image of ancient bravery then morph into a pitch for the few and the proud. And there is an undeniable “Oohrah” tone to “300.”
Telling a countryman vexed by the scant number of warriors Leonidas brings, he replies that his 300 are already more battle-ready than any other Greek city’s hodgepodge battalion of craftsmen and artisans.
To underscore their king’s claim, the 300 grunt in one deep-throated exclamation during basic training.
“300” makes one yearn for the daft humor of Jason and his Argonauts, the zany effects of Ray Harryhausen.
Because like “Sin City” (Robert Rodriguez’s superior collaboration with Miller), “300” appears deeper than it is.
In falling betwixt and between severity and aesthetic flash, “300” aggravates or tickles, depending on your mood. The preview audience chuckled at the toss-off quips common in action flicks. My own humors were vexed by the glorifying of a bygone war without any of the ancients’ wisdom about its cost.
Film critic Lisa Kennedy can be reached at 303-954-1567 or lkennedy@denverpost.com; try the Screen Team blog at denverpostbloghouse.com.
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| “300”
R for graphic battle sequences throughout, some sexuality and nudity| 1 hour, 57 minutes|ODE TO A GRECIAN WAR |Directed by Zack Snyder; written by Snyder, Kurt Johnstad, and Michael B. Gordon; based on the graphic novel by Frank Miller and Lynn Varley; photography by Larry Fong; starring Gerard Butler, Lena Headey, David Wenham, Dominic West, Rodrigo Santoro |Opens today at area theaters
