I attend receptions frequently, and I’ve always been turned off by folks who cut the conversation short because they want to “work the room.”
They bounce from one person to the next, exchanging pleasantries – and their business cards.
Apparently, they’re the ones who are following the rules of networking etiquette.
Chatting for a half-hour with the same person, or sticking with the person with whom you arrived, is a no-no, according to Naomi Poulson, owner of The Etiquette School, a Southern California company that offers seminars for youth, adults and corporations.
“The whole idea of networking is you want to talk to people you don’t know,” Poulson told me. “You’re supposed to circulate and talk for no more than 10 minutes and then move on.”
The same goes for people you already know and are reconnecting with.
So I learned something.
I contacted Poulson after I attended a reception and dinner where I witnessed what I considered lots of examples of rude behavior.
It got me thinking about social graces: Have we, as a society, lost them? Or did we never learn them?
At the reception, I saw people talking on their mobile phones. I watched as people interrupted conversations to say hello. I became irritated by folks who carried on conversations while a speaker was giving a speech.
I figured the offenders must be clueless. Why else would they behave in such a tacky manner?
I consulted books on the subject, hoping to find tips on how to deal with folks who commit these faux pas.
I’ve learned there’s little you can do about it. If you know someone well, you can pull that person aside and explain that it’s not socially acceptable to chat during a speech. To strangers, you can say something like, “This speech is really interesting.” Making eye contact and clearing your throat might help. When I’ve tried it I’ve gotten mixed results.
Part of the problem is that we’re living in an it’s-all- about-me society. Etiquette
is about being gracious to others.
For those who haven’t learned basic etiquette, here are some tips I gleaned from several books.
If you’re engaged in a conversation, don’t look around the room. It gives a signal that you’re not interested in what the person is saying.
If you have to leave the conversation, wait until the other person has stopped talking and then introduce him to someone else or tell her it was nice chatting with her but you need to say hello to someone.
Don’t interrupt two people who are engaged in a conversation. If it’s three or more people, stand nearby and make eye contact. At some point you can smile and introduce yourself, but it really should be up to someone in the group to say hello and welcome you.
Don’t stay with your clique. It gives a signal to others that you don’t want to mix with them.
At social functions your mobile phone should be off. If you are waiting for an important call, put your phone on vibrate and then excuse yourself to answer a call.
Above all else, smile and be friendly. Acknowledge everyone in your presence. Engage people by asking questions. And when it’s time for someone to give a speech, keep quiet and listen.
These rules seem so simple, yet people seem to have a hard time following them. Even though the experts say you can’t correct those who break the rules, I think it’s worth trying. I bet a lot of people really just don’t know better.
Post your thoughts on the subject on my blog: denverpostbloghouse.com/rodriguez.
