Dear Amy: My son is in his first year of college and has recently begun dating a junior in high school. This happened after a bad breakup from his previous girlfriend. He knew the girl he’s currently dating while he was still in high school but did not have any contact with her until after he started college. He never really gave up on his ex until he found out that she had sex with a guy she wasn’t even dating. Then two weeks later, he was in this new relationship.
I am of the opinion that after his breakup he should have started seeing girls at college, enjoying his freedom and eventually dating someone his own age. I realize that a two-year age difference is not so bad later on, but now it just seems like a bad idea because she is still in high school. My husband does not think that this is a big deal, but most other mothers I have talked to agree with me.
What do you think about this age difference at this point in their lives, and do you think that this relationship might be on the rebound? I just hate to think that he would tie himself down to someone so young just to prove a point of some kind. I think that this girl is really becoming attached to him, so I am not only concerned about my son but about her as well.
– A Concerned Parent
Dear Concerned: At some point, a parent needs to step back and let her son choose his own relationships and trust that he will find his way. For you, this is the time.
It is natural to fret about your son’s choices, but you shouldn’t fret so much that you are polling your friends and worrying about whether he is rebounding and how his girlfriend might be feeling about it. If your son and his girlfriend seem happy and treat each other well, then that should be enough for you.
If your son’s girlfriend is emotionally mature, then she might be a good person for him to date right now. (The two-year age difference doesn’t seem too extreme to me, though you don’t say if she is of legal age or how her parents feel about this.) If you focus too intently on this relationship, your son might in fact tie himself down to prove a point to you. Don’t give him a reason to do that. Back away from his dating life and trust him to figure this out. Even if he is making a mistake, it might be a mistake that he needs to make to learn and grow.
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