Dear Amy: I am a 40-year-old female with a sense of humor that my friends call “wickedly funny.” Since I was a teenager, I have written faux news stories that poke fun at situations involving family or friends.
Several months ago I made the mistake of sharing an “article” with my family. I had combined details of an incident from my sister’s life with facts from an actual news story. Although I made references in the article to habits of certain family members (which were intended as clues that the story was fake) I stated that the authorities were in pursuit of my sister for an offense she had committed.
My sister was upset. Then my father (with whom I have always had a tempestuous relationship) phoned me, used a string of foul names and informed me that I am “sick in the head.” The “F word” was used liberally throughout his attack. He said I have “never been anything but trouble.” That statement really hurt. I am the first in my family to graduate college, and I am a strong, independent woman with a good career.
I apologized to my sister, and she forgave me. Yet months later, my mother continues to act as if nothing happened. Days after the incident, I wrote my father a letter in which I apologized for this misuse of my sense of humor. I also explained that I found his language, tone and judgments to be hurtful.
I have received no acknowledgment of my letter, much less an apology, and I haven’t spoken to him since (they live in another state).
To complicate matters, my father is very ill.
Should I dismiss his cruel words and refusal to acknowledge my feelings?
– Tired of Being Hurt
Dear Tired: You seem able to ignore the feelings of family members when you want to dish out comedy at their expense, and yet you expect them to understand your sensitivities.
At 40, you should know better than to turn your family members into grist for the comedy mill. Stand-up comedians know that family and friends are the people who are supposed to like you at the end of a set – and without a two-drink minimum to lubricate the relationship.
Writers likewise realize that they need to protect their intimate relationships from their comedic instincts.
OK. You’ve learned your lesson. You’ve apologized (if “misuse of humor” is an apology). Your father should not have verbally attacked you, but because he is ill, you should take a page from your mother’s playbook and simply move on. You should pay your folks a visit and give your dad an opportunity to behave well (he owes you the same chance).
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