Dear Amy: I was diagnosed with a degenerative disease five years ago, but I’ve been fortunate and have only had two major episodes of recurrence. But another woman with whom I work was diagnosed at around the same time with a more rapidly advancing form.
I struggle to maintain a positive public face, and I generally save my emotional collapses for when I’m alone, while my colleague has relied more extensively on the help of our colleagues for support.
I am an extremely private person and prefer not to discuss my health problems at all, but because we share the same neurologist, this woman “outed” me as a fellow sufferer.
I am barraged daily by her with pamphlets, packets and requests to donate or participate in national charities related to “our” disease.
I am loath to contact Human Resources, and I don’t want to place her job in jeopardy because in every other respect she is a good employee.
– Not a Poster Child
Dear Not: I’m going to assume that your neurologist didn’t reveal any of your health information to your colleague; if so, this would be a direct violation of the HIPAA statutes, which protect your medical privacy.
Your colleague has not only violated your privacy but she has most likely also violated the work rules at your company. She should not disclose any detail of a colleague’s health. She should not solicit money for her special cause while at work.
Because you have already demanded several times that she stop this, your next step should be to contact HR, not necessarily for punitive reasons, but for advice.
Your HR representative might suggest that you start by putting your concerns in a memo addressed to your colleague, telling her that she cannot discuss your illness with anyone. HR should inform her of any company ethics rules pertaining to soliciting money in the workplace.
They should tell her to stop.
…
Dear Amy: Responding to “Sandwiched Daughter,” who wondered if she was obligated to help support her mother, my husband and I have been helping out my in-laws for many years. We have three children to raise and send through college. But it has taught our children a sense of responsibility and caring for others.
My husband and his siblings each help to pay for his parents’ utilities and partial mortgage payment directly to the companies. That way we can be assured that the money is not “misdirected” and that the bills are paid.
– Jayne
Dear Jayne: Many of us in the “sandwich generation” should assume that we will be called upon to help our parents in a variety of ways, as life expectancy and medical costs rise. We should be willing to step up, if at all possible, as our children may have to do for us.
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